Thanks Potholder and fastchaz,
I've tried talking to him, but he doesn't see a problem because he gets everything his own way. He works in the job he wants, the hours he wants even though it means he doesn't see our 2 oldest at all.
He gets up after they leave for school and doesn't get home until they're in bed. he only gets one weekend off every 6 weeks, so I feel like I'm a single mum dealing with a very moody teen a 10yr old with ADHD and a toddler who is just a clingy toddler.
The only time he realises anything may be wrong is when I've really had enough and I let rip. Of course it's then like why are you being such a b**** etc etc.