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Ever Wonder Why?................. 

• • Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
  • Why you don't ever see the headline:
    "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
  • Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
  • Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?
  • Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
  • Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavour, while dishwashing
    liquid is made with real lemons?
  • Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?
  • Why there isn't mouse flavoured cat food?
  • Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavour?
  • Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
  • Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
  • Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the
    indestructible black box?
  • Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
  • Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
  • If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
  • Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

AND... 

• • In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of
    stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
  • On a Myer hairdryer:
    "Do not use while sleeping". (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
  • On a bag of Chips:
  • You could be a winner!  No purchase necessary.  Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)
  • On a bar of Palmolive soap:
    "Directions:  Use like regular soap". (And that would be how???)
  • On some frozen dinners:
    "Serving suggestion:  Defrost". (But, it's just a suggestion).
  • On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
    "Do not turn upside down". (Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
  • On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
    "Product will be hot after heating". (And you thought????...)
  • On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
    "Do not iron clothes on body". (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
  • On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
    "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication". (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
    could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
  • On Nytol Sleep Aid:
    "Warning: May cause drowsiness". (And...I'm taking this because???)
  • On most brands of Christmas lights:
    "For indoor or outdoor use only". (As opposed to...what?)
  • On a Japanese food processor:
    "Not to be used for the other use". (Now, somebody out there, help me on this.  I'm a bit curious.)
  •   On Nobby's peanuts:
    "Warning: contains nuts". (Talk about a news flash!)
  • On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
    "Instructions:  Open packet, eat nuts". (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
  • I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one:
    On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
  • On a Swedish chainsaw:
    "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".  (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)