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Lazy Husband

banterbb

banterbb

New Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2011
Messages
15
Im struggling to get my husband to do anything really. Im not sure if it is me that he just isnt in to now or what. We have been married for 16 years and have 3 kiddies of our own and 3 foster children. The last 5/6 years just feels like we are just living together. We do not argue, but that may be because he has always his earphones plugged into his laptop and listening to films or music. We have no conversation or any other sort of life either lol.

I have spoken to him about it but it seems to go right through him. He works full-time and I work part time, I am the one that does the majority of the house work and all of the child care.

I am just fed up of no physical contact at all and no romantic gestures either, no sure what else to do now....Any ideas?
 
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I really want to say the right thing to you about this situation cause I feel like I can relate. But, maybe there is no one solution to this issue. In my own life, my spouse and I have gone through stretches of time just like the situation you described. However, there was usually something going on at the same time, like with him working lots of over time or being involved otherwise.

For many years, he was out of the house most of the day and night, working two jobs, so the only time we got to talk was on the phone. If your spouse doesn't seem to want to engage, maybe you can find a common activity that he will do with you, like watch a movie.

You said he likes to watch movies, so maybe that could be the common thread. During times when my own spouse worked lots, he was very tired and did not want to engage in lots of talking, so we would cuddle on the couch and watch a movie or pick a favorite shared TV show like 'The Apprentice' and watch that. And, we did that even after our daughter was born. Just sitting near each other was enough for awhile to keep our bond strong. Now, we have the exact opposite situation where he is home ALL the time due to disability and we are having to learn to give each other distance and not run in on the other person. It's taking some time for adjustment.
 
I think that men get lazier as they get older while women are raring to go! So I don't think this is so unusual. The lack of affection and romantic gestures, however, could be a big problem. Have you tried suggesting that he visit a marriage counselor with you?
 
Communication is the key :)
Go to him and have a talk with him.
Tell him what you think in your mind and what you want the most from him.
Also, you can be creative to spend some quality time especially with him ;)
 
Well, if he isn't the romantic type... Then, can't you fill in the romances instead? If he is too busy watching film or listening to music, why don't you prepare some food (his favorite sandwich and drink you could share with him) and watch movies with him. :D HAHA. I wonder how he will react. You don't need to say anything, just watch silently with him. HAHA :p Maybe eventually he will feel guilty. If one approach doesn't work, try a different approach. :D It usually takes a couple of tries and months for something to take effect. :D
 
Agreed on the communication. They is very important. If you feel that you are unable to talk to him, send him and email or write him a note. Explain exactly how you feel. Try to initiate a project you can do together, like building a puzzle, a home improvement or even making a meal together.
 
When you have been together a long time the temptation to stop making an effort becomes overwhelming.. You take each other for granted, and forget all the little things you used to share.

Is there something you used to do together that you've stopped doing? Go ice skating, or to the movies or whatever you used to do on dates...
 
We do take things for granted after years of marriage. We also settle into routines, good and bad ones. Communication is always the way in a relationship.
 
if all else fails then hide his earphones, the laptop and the remote control to the tv.. and i'm not kidding..
 
Did you try a different approach? How about a date night? Go out to dinner, just the two of you. Let him know how much you are enjoying his full attention while you are out.
 
Hi, I would like to share something, I found this a couple of months back and although it was sort of like comic in approach, it's true in a lot of ways. The guy discussing Mark Gungor said a lot of notable things that you just can't help it but say "Oh yeah, that's my husband" It just points out how we are extremely different from our partners (in a light manner), let me know how you found the videos. :)


 
I can relate to this issue too. My husband used to lay all day when he was still single and now his body feels so heavy that he still do his lazy habit of laying all day even though we have 2 kids now and I can't manage to do all chores all by myself. Aah, this is really frustrating. This habit of him always starts our fight. And I don't know what to do with him anymore.
 
I knew a couple like that who never argued and have no romantic attachment as a husband and wife should be doing. Same situation, after work the husband changed his clothes and go the study room with the computer until bed time and they even sleep in a different room. But they had a fixed dinner date once in a week. I agree with Christine, a marriage counselor need to be considered with this kind of situation.
 
Sit him down and sort him out. Tell him he's changed and set an ultimatum, if he wasn't happy with you he'd have left, so he loves you. Just talk to him about any problems and try and go back to how you were when you were happy together.
 
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bethanyparkin said:
Sit him down and sort him out. Tell him he's changed and set an ultimatum, if he wasn't happy with you he'd have left, so he loves you. Just talk to him about any problems and try and go back to how you were when you were happy together.
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That's a good point. Usually a man will leave if he's interested in another woman. But, they don't usually leave unless there is another woman to go home to. Still, he may feel very comfortable with having the wife take care of him and do all the things himself and feel like he is entitled and that he is not responsible for household chores.
 
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