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I thought weddings were supposed to be awesome.

Chavaun Jones

Chavaun Jones

Member
Joined
Feb 22, 2012
Messages
65
Location
Louisville, KY
So, my on again off again relationship had come full circle and apparently, seemingly, this time it will end up at the altar. We've got 9 years under our belt, and about 8 of that was spent engaged with sporadic 'leave me alones' spread throughout. We've had a rocky relationship, no doubt about that; we've had 4 pregnancies, 2 of which resulted in miscarriages, family members passing, etc. Long story short, we have literally been to hell and back.
I'm generally happy and super excited, but the wedding plans have frustrated me to no end, specially when the help I'm receiving is from my sister, who, like me, has never been married. I'm extremely stressed out and frustrated with my fiancee because he's offering absolutely no help at all, which I suppose I should have expected. But when it comes to the colors of our wedding, and all the little odds and ends, I don't think a little opinion would hurt, but he always shrugs and tells me to build the wedding of my dreams. I'm not really complaining because I appreciate him trusting me enough to construct something that will reflect both of us, but I guess I'm just suffering from another round of 'I just don't care'. Everything is stressing me to no end, and I guess I would like help from someone other than my 19 year old little sister.
 
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Sorry you feel this way. But think of it on the bright side, if you are planning the entire wedding yourself, you can do things your way. There is no need to argue over what colors you want to pick, which music, what kind of food, etc.

Do you have a best friend or another family member that could help you plan the wedding?

My wedding was small... about 6 people and in a different state-just how I wanted it. It was perfect for me.
 
My oldest and best friend is finalizing her divorce, so she isn't as eager to join the festivities as I would have hoped, but I understand her reluctance.
It's going to be a small ceremony, only my immediate family ( mom, sister, brother, our children ), it's going to be held in a park, there really
aren't so many details that it should be as stressful as it is. I'm dealing with a deadline, which adds to most of the stress, but coupled with all the
things that seem to go wrong or contrary to the plans I have in my head, I'm ready to run away and join the circus. It would certainly be less
stressful.
 
I fully agree with Dashboardc33, this is the ideal opportunity to really make this 'your day'. You can sculpt and shape it exactly as you want it. It is one the most exciting times of ones life...but excitement and stress are very similar physiological experiences, so the body can get confused. Just remember that you are where you are with you want because of what you have already been through together.

This wedding could mark a new beginning. Just take care of you now and express your needs to him if need be...but savor this time and know that many brides get stressed/excited at this special time. I wish you and your significant other all the best.
 
My wedding was a very small affair as well. I think there were less than 20 people there including my husband, myself and the priest. I was not all that particular about anything and was mainly concerned with saving money so most of my wedding was planned by my mom and sister. The only thing I made sure of was the dress. They asked my opinion about everything but unless I was completely against something I just told them to decide. Took a lot of stress off me anyway!

It is your day so make your opinions known. Wedding are stressful! No one can tell you they aren't. You have to pick your battles.
 
I agree with it being your day so do it your way. Leave the big stress somewhere else and bring your happiness that you are getting married into the smile you should have on your face.Start delegating to someone what is making you stress out, so you can focus on the wonder of the day.Congratulations!
 
I don't look forward to a big wedding. I'm not sure I really want a girl that wants a big wedding anyway. Something tells me women tend to see weddings a lot like I used to see birthdays.

When I was a kid, birthdays where a day when I could get just about anything I wanted. Christmas was much the same way. As I got older I began to get more annoyed at Christmas and Birthdays because I was not able to get a certain euphoria that I seemed to have as a kid. Sooner or later I got to the point where I realized that it is likely better to just see your birthday as just another day. That way when you get disappointed, which you likely will, you are then more able to just shrug it off.

A lot of people put there time and energy into a big day or a few big days. What people really need are not just a few big days but one big life.;)
 
SnowflakeBlue said:
I don't look forward to a big wedding. I'm not sure I really want a girl that wants a big wedding anyway. Something tells me women tend to see weddings a lot like I used to see birthdays.

When I was a kid, birthdays where a day when I could get just about anything I wanted. Christmas was much the same way. As I got older I began to get more annoyed at Christmas and Birthdays because I was not able to get a certain euphoria that I seemed to have as a kid. Sooner or later I got to the point where I realized that it is likely better to just see your birthday as just another day. That way when you get disappointed, which you likely will, you are then more able to just shrug it off.

A lot of people put there time and energy into a big day or a few big days. What people really need are not just a few big days but one big life.;)
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I'm not having a big wedding, but if I were loaded, I would sure have one hell of a to do. I'm sure there's a certain time that men will celebrate or make a big deal out of something, but weddings are generally for women. Of course there are two people involved, but every man I've ever talked to felt his only job or part of the wedding was to 'show up' on time and the right place. Maybe we make a big deal out of it because we don't get married with the expectations of doing it all again, so why not do it big. Now I'm a little annoyed.
 
I think there are big days for most guys. Big sports days like the Super Bowl or The World Series would be an example, especially if his favorite team happens to be playing. Also, if a guy tries really hard at something competitive and wins or does better that expected, that can be a big day. I would say for just about anyone, male or female, any big spending or purchase that was long awaited can cause a euphoria that lasts a day.

When I was a kid (or well juvenile), the big thing for me was not the wedding day but the wedding night. Now, some people decide to do whatever they want in a relationship before marriage. If I had taken what some would call the easy road, I don't think waiting for the wedding night would have been that big of a deal.

I think getting married once for life is a pretty good idea. Divorce can be very messy and very painful. When I was very young (about 10) my parents started to have marital problems. At the time divorce was pretty common and the idea of my parents divorcing was pretty scary. It forced me to ask questions like, What makes people get divorced? Is there a way to divorce proof a marriage before one ever gets married? At which point I began a quest to contemplate and understand marriage and how to get a marriage that does not end in divorce.

I am skeptical of big weddings. I see the wealthy, royalty and celebrities having these huge elaborate weddings and a few years later their marriages are on the rocks. I wonder if there is a study of expensive weddings and small weddings. What is the divorce rate between the two? How do the couples of both groups rate their marital happiness after 10 years?
 
It's kind of funny you would say that because all the people that I know that got married, big weddings are not are either divorced or in unhappy, unfufilled marriages. But I know two couples, both been together for quite some time and neither married and both of them are happy as clams. I'm kind of jaded though when it comes to big, Hollywood weddings. I think a lot, or big deal of them are performed simply for ratings or popularity gain. I don't think it depends on the wedding more so than it depends on the actual people getting married.
 
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Chavaun Jones said:
It's kind of funny you would say that because all the people that I know that got married, big weddings are not are either divorced or in unhappy, unfufilled marriages. But I know two couples, both been together for quite some time and neither married and both of them are happy as clams. I'm kind of jaded though when it comes to big, Hollywood weddings. I think a lot, or big deal of them are performed simply for ratings or popularity gain. I don't think it depends on the wedding more so than it depends on the actual people getting married.
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I wonder how you would feel when I say that my mom and my partner's mom's request is a wedding with a big reception. It drives me crazy that we have to save this much just to spend on a day he and I are supposed to enjoy rather than tribute to our moms. If I had my way, I'd do it now with minimal expenditure. Rather than spend it on a one time event, I'd rather save it for our home and things we will need to have a life together.

I agree that some people can live happily together without the wedding. I've been with my partner for 5 years and we've been living together under 1 roof for 2 years now. So far, so good.

Back to the topic, a wedding is fun (it truly is when you're not the wedding planner and bride at the same time). I am sorry you have to deal with this yourself. But don't despair, with stress comes great experience. So think of it this way, it's my wedding, my selections and I'll be damned if I don't get my way with it.
 
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