Funny RPGers

In case you aren't familiar with RPGs, they're stories people write online, post by post, taking turns at adding to the story. I don't personnally do it but a friend of mine does and we were reading through some of the particularly bad RPGers on the RPG forum she goes to. These people always annoyed her until we realised how funny some of the things they said were. Here are a few examples.

Take note of their attempts at using big words when they don't seem to know how thye're meant to be used, or even normal words they don't seem to be able to use, and also the funny evil plans. And the lame, cliche writing.


Enjoy
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Meanwhile, in Arki, Videra, Zenox's spies report the activity in Hisen, Sora.

Zenox yelled aggressively as he acknowledged the news. "Cruward, Lauren?! You cannot be positive! His complete family line is whipped out!"

"No... Master! I guarantee you that he is the son of his father." replied a Black Dwarf.

"Then send out the assassins, I want Cruward and his accomplices dead by dawn! Move out now!" ordered Zenox loudly. "The time is grim for Cruward, and his friends, I will strike him down, just like his father! Ha ha ha ha ha!" laughed Zenox, as he entered his own private tent, and to the left side, in a container, were maps of the plans to take over Hisen.

"They could take Izuma, but when this channel is complete, we will fill it with magma, annihilating the whole of Sora due to it's temperatures." explained Zenox to the Black Dwarf servant, who followed him and offered Zenox wine and cooked meat.

"Ha! This is only getting better by the instant, and once we are in the capital, I will personally kill Cruward myself! Ha ha ha!" laughed Zenox wickedly, as he took a malevolent gnaw of his meat.
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“The shiny sunrise took place early in the morning”
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“Cruward and his companions do not know that Zenox’s scouts are watching them strongly; they could do much to obliterate Cruward's plans on saving Izuma...

"What!?" Yelled Zenox wrathfully, as he accustomed himself in his chair, within his tent.
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“As Zenox thought cautiously for a jiffy, a thought popped into his head.”
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"Damn! We have nothing to fight back with, we are pinned down!" Yelled Cruward as he hid behind a nearby hefty stone.
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He had an opportunity to strike, Cruward had lacerated the enemy's stomach, the assassin fell to the ground screaming and bleeding, he let go of his armaments, and kept blaring in pain.
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Only he stimulated towards Cruward, running speedily, like a swift breeze of wind.
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He rolled downhill and into the waterway, he wasn't dead yet, but he felt a freezing shudder run all through his body, and warmth departing from him leisurely.
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"There is a volcano in the rear of us, scheduled to explode three days from now, until then, I command you all to train excessively until I say otherwise, understood?" Ordered Zenox, as the scout bowed in acknowledgement and left.

"I would have had the contentment to kill Cruward for myself, but I will make it up in Izuma when I get to annihilate innocents, ha!" Zenox said to himself, as he followed it with an vice chuckle.
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"You call yourselves soldiers! I would rather consider you a blinded elf with a rusty knife! Train harder! Invoke detestation, and belligerence to your foeb!" Yelled Zenox, as he disappointedly watched over his soldiers train in the field of Videra.
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Zenox saw the workers vigorously construct the ditch. The volcano was commencing to emanate smoke.
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I guess Cruward knows the source of the evil, the evil that is invading the terrortories of Sora and evil that could destroy Beuath itself, I need answers, a divine power has chosen me for this mission but I am a simple alchemist, what do I possess that can help the world, why is it when I am so close to obtaining answers an evil hinders the path?

"I, am not a very wise or intelligent man, that I am not. But... I am wordly."
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Shitozen, a man naturally light on his feet due to his great amounts of dexterity, was of naturally pulled back, and so he did. But unfortunantly, due to his incoherence of the trip, the spike just below the tile stabbed up and into his wooden sandle, and then upward, stabbing into the crevice between his big toe and the toe next to it, making a small cut.
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He looked to Garrison, his eyes soft and gentle, warm and flowing like the water on a hot summer day, peaceful and serene like the wind through the mighty oak, and then he spoke, "Garrison,"His eyes wavered, the presence of the gods was so much, he was about to break down in tears but he had to maintain control,"A mortals place... is always before a god." He bowed gently as he stood back up.

 

*Rolls on the floor laughing*
*Laughs some more*
*dies laughing*
*comes back to life*
That was great :woohoo:

 

I just wanted to revive this thread cos oh my goodness it still makes me laugh

"Only he stimulated towards Cruward, running speedily, like a swift breeze of wind."

*cackles insanely* stimulated towards!!! How do you DO that?!?!

"He rolled downhill and into the waterway, he wasn't dead yet, but he felt a freezing shudder run all through his body, and warmth departing from him leisurely."

PMSL

ZOMG

 

that laugh was a good start to the day....thanks for the revival!

 

I always wondered what the whole RPG thing was about... Ty Potty!!!

 

Anytime! It's normally done a LOT better than this with actual skills in writing but a few years back we managed to pick out some real pieces of comedy gold.

"whole family was whipped out" hahahaha whipped!