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Can you really fix an unhappy marriage?

M

Mom4ever

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Do you think it's possible to fix an unhappy marriage where nothing is really wrong, but both people have just gotten bored of each other and want something fresh and exciting? What if one person is desperately hanging onto the relationship and trying to save the marriage but the other simply won't even try to make it work anymore? How do you cope? What do you do?
 
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moneymakingmom said:
What if one person is desperately hanging onto the relationship and trying to save the marriage but the other simply won't even try to make it work anymore?
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I would say: forget it. You can't change the other, only yourself, so all this trying would not help much :(
 
Yes, that can be very sad when the guy (or the girl) won't change or even try to make a decent effort at saving the relationship even while the partner does. One person can't make a marriage or relationship work alone though. And, all I can figure is that either the unwilling partner doesn't care or maybe they don't actually think there is anything wrong with the relationship or they just don't think there's anything worth saving. Most people won't put themselves out on a limb to save a relationship that no longer serves their purposes.
 
There's a saying that it takes two to tango which literally means that marriage was supposed to be a teamwork between married couple. one cannot fix things if the the other don't want to cooperate. Communication is the key for a lasting relationship, try to have a heart to heart talk with your partner so that you would be able to hear each others side of story. One might thought that there is no problem while the other was maybe sort of over reacting on things that was happening in the relationship. Remember that you were 2 different individuals that is why you don't think & feel the same way as your partner.
 
Spice things up. Make a change. Do something different each month or even start the day backwards. Both have a talk and see the problem, then test how to stop being bored and be back to being excited with one another. :)
 
I would suggest that you both go to the marriage counselor. Try to do new things that you both like and have fun doing it. It is really sad if the relationship will end because of boredom. If your parents are nearby try to leave them the children even just for 1 day and go out with your partner and have some fun. If you are the one trying to make it, ask your husband if want kind of things that he misses to do and go along with it though you don't feel like to do it. Sometimes, we need to do sacrifices just to make our relationship work and will be lasting.
 
I don't think counseling would help in this situation. I mean if the marriage isn't working anymore just because they are bored then it will be the same problem in any other relationship they go on to have. Maybe they were not ready to get married in the first place. If it were me I would seeks God's guidance.
 
I think that if the two people were truly in love, then the problems can always be fixed. They could try new things like take a dancing class together, or even anything that they would enjoy together. But if either person was not in love to begin with and they kind of just got stuck with each other, then the problem isn't that either one is bored. The problem is that they are not in love, and that is something that cannot be fixed.
 
Let go of what's killing you and Hold on to to what's keeping you alive.

You just have to show him how much you love him, but if it seems to be very hopeless, let him go, and if he comes back, then he's yours again. Be patient and trust God.
 
It is only possible if you both make it possible. A one sided relationship is not possible to make work. Try talking and if there is even a glimmer of a chance try to bring a spark back. Do a date, or try writing a sexy letter, maybe spice things up in the bedroom. Or for a really interesting day, try all 3. Things worth having are worth fighting for.
Good luck!
 
Leahi said:
It is only possible if you both make it possible. A one sided relationship is not possible to make work. Try talking and if there is even a glimmer of a chance try to bring a spark back. Do a date, or try writing a sexy letter, maybe spice things up in the bedroom. Or for a really interesting day, try all 3. Things worth having are worth fighting for.
Good luck!
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I agree with you Ms. Leahi, "Things worth having are worth fighting for", as long they know that there's a 1 percent chance that they could be together again, they should take it, because once its gone, it will forever be gone BUT if they BOTH deemed that they're really out of love, then, I think it's better for them to part ways. :)
 
moneymakingmom said:
Do you think it's possible to fix an unhappy marriage where nothing is really wrong, but both people have just gotten bored of each other and want something fresh and exciting? What if one person is desperately hanging onto the relationship and trying to save the marriage but the other simply won't even try to make it work anymore? How do you cope? What do you do?
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The first thing I would suggest is to make sure both people realize there's a problem. Sometimes contentment is mistaken for complacency, and if there's no honest communication happening then neither party can know that there is or isn't really something that needs to be fixed.

If both people in the relationship acknowledge that there's an issue to work on, then try changing things up a bit. If boredom really is the problem, save some money back for a monthly night on the town. Or try a weekly date night. It doesn't even have to be anything fancy; my sweetie and I will spend a few dollars sometimes for an impromptu lunch at BK. Just getting out of the house and sitting down for a meal someone else cooks is enough for us to recharge for a while. Or you can go for a picnic, to a museum, a walk in the evening... There are lots of ways to reconnect that don't require a lot of planning or effort. But both of you have to want to do it for any of them to work. :)
 
What if one person is desperately hanging onto the relationship and trying to save the marriage but the other simply won't even try to make it work anymore? How do you cope? What do you do?
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If that is the case, I don't think the marriage will ever work out anymore. It takes two to tango as the cliche goes and its true. I gave up on my marriage because my ex wasn't do anything to save our relationship. I just felt at that time that I can't salvage what's left of US alone. It has to be a combined effort or else, it won't work. I had to give up and I'm glad I did. :)
 
I would say it won't work, for the sole purpose no relationship will not work if both aren't trying. I'd say whoever isn't trying def doesn't wanna make it work.
 
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Marriage isn't always supposed to be fun. It's like reading a book. You get to the boring part and push through it knowing something better will come of it. Everyone gets bored with their significant other at some point or another but you have to remember the good times and what it was like when you first met.

If one or the other isn't trying though, it certainly would seem to be doomed. Like others have suggested, marriage counseling may help but only if both people go in with an open mind. Just go with your heart. Try everything you can to save the marriage if, for nothing else, your own peace of mind later. You won't want to be asking yourself years down the road what you could've done.
 
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