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So Angry

C

Catrat

New Member
Joined
Sep 12, 2004
Messages
155
Location
New Zealand
I have this friend who is about three years younger than me. She is not happy, that much can be said. Does not eat properly, takes way too many diet pills and self injures. I do all for this girl that I can, I support her in all the ways I see fit and everything, there's not much else I could do.

And then suddenly along come this counsellor who quite honestly is really shocking and keeps on missing appointments and forgetting to tell my friend and making her think she's not sick enough to get counselling, which she most definitely is. Today she told my friend that she should not be associating with anyone who 'has problems.'
Firstly, who doesn't have problems?
Secondly, I may not be the most stable person around, but she tells me most things she confides in me which is pretty unusual for her.
Thirdly, I don't advocate being depressed or unhappy, I don't advocate starving yourself or self-mutilation.
I find it sickening that this woman can just come along and say these things when she doesn't know anything about the situation.
And I mean, seriously, if your friends have that much of an influence on you, you shouldn't just say 'disconnect from them'. That's just abandoning the problem of following people you're close to, which is a HUGE PROBLEM where I come from anyway. You have to deal with it upfront because I'd be stretched to find a person who's never met anyone who's 'had problems' and what happens to these people in the future when they meet other people who had problems just like the friends they were forced to ditch by some half-wit counsellor.
I am so angry right now, so angry. It still hasn't boiled down.

I pretty much know my friend won't disconnect herself from me or anyone else, it just makes me so mad.
 
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First of all *man-sized hugs* for you.

I think you need to listen to your Happy CD. Or scream at the mirror, that works for calming, I hear
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*more hugs*

I'll talk to you later about it m'dear.
 
Catrat, you're such a great friend to this person.

I would strongly suggest he/she sees her doctor again, and explains that this counsellor is NOT helping in any way, if anything, she's making it worse. Tell her to request a different counsellor.

It's all about trust, if a person does not trust a counsellor - how can they help.

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Originally posted by Snowbaby@Jul 18 2005, 11:02 AM
Catrat, you're such a great friend to this person.

I would strongly suggest he/she sees her doctor again, and explains that this counsellor is NOT helping in any way, if anything, she's making it worse. Tell her to request a different counsellor.

It's all about trust, if a person does not trust a counsellor - how can they help.

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That's what I think. I just don't understand how disconnecting a person from their friends is going to help them whatsoever.
I'm admittedly not the most emotionally stable person at the moment, but at least I understand what she's going through and can try and help her in whatever ways I see fit.
Feeling a little calmer now, it's just ridiculous to tell someone who's depressed to cut themselves off from their friends, that would just make me more depressed.
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Thanks for the reply.
 
What state of mind you are in, is irrelevant to the fact that this counsellor is not doing what she is meant to be doing - helping!!

At a time in one's life where a person seeks help, guidance and support.... your family and friends are the most important ones.

I agree with you. She/he needs to try a different counsellor, and this is nothing at all bad against your friend. I know people who have been to umpteen different counsellors before they found the right one. It's human nature!!
 
Yeah, it takes a while to find a good counsellor, one that suits you. SNowy's right, trust is a big issue - it's the reason counsellors build up a rapport between them and their...patient or whatever you want to call it before they even think aobut tackling the issue.

Catrat - the counsellor is probably making the assumption that your friend doesn't have the strength of character or a stable state of mind to make the decision to not carry on with what she's doing. You know you're not advocating her behaviour but the counsellor doesn't. You know your friend isn't affected by you in that way but wouldn't you say it's preferable that the counsellor assumes that rather than assumes you aren't having a detrimental effect and leaves your friend in a situation that could be making the process more drawn out?

There is a reason for what the counsellor is doing. In some situations it is entirely appropriate, such as with my sister (and trust me, it was necessary to take her away from her friends) but if your friend doesn't like it then it will never work.

And therefore she should look for another counsellor.

*hugs you*

Just re-read the first line to Snowy's last post and it seems we disagree to some degree...
 
Originally posted by Potholer@Jul 18 2005, 10:23 PM
Catrat - the counsellor is probably making the assumption that your friend doesn't have the strength of character or a stable state of mind to make the decision to not carry on with what she's doing. You know you're not advocating her behaviour but the counsellor doesn't. You know your friend isn't affected by you in that way but wouldn't you say it's preferable that the counsellor assumes that rather than assumes you aren't having a detrimental effect and leaves your friend in a situation that could be making the process more drawn out?
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I just think it's a stupid way of dealing with a problem when it's not really dealing with it at all. It's just dodging it.
What if she were to become good friends with someone else who 'has problems' later in life, would she just be banned from them for life? You have to sort through these problems not just say 'oh meh, who needs friends anyway'. It's stupid. It's unbelievably stupid.
I just don't see the logic at all.
Last I checked, having friend is more of a help than a hinder to your health and wellbeing.
 
it is very important that she doesn't distant herself from her friends, i most certainly agree with that. 100%. i generally don't open up to people, and for 2 years, i kept all my pain inside. then i found someone who managed to get me to talk about my problems, and i feel so much better these days (and i couldn't thank him enough for it
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Originally posted by Catrat@Jul 19 2005, 08:51 PM
I just think it's a stupid way of dealing with a problem when it's not really dealing with it at all. It's just dodging it.
What if she were to become good friends with someone else who 'has problems' later in life, would she just be banned from them for life? You have to sort through these problems not just say 'oh meh, who needs friends anyway'. It's stupid. It's unbelievably stupid.
I just don't see the logic at all.
Last I checked, having friend is more of a help than a hinder to your health and wellbeing.
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If the counsellor is doing it for the reasons I think they are then that's not it. First they'll get her out of the environment that is potentially harmful (I know it makes you angry hun but for just a moment, step outside yourself at look at it without a view - subjectively?). Away from people who may inadvertantly and/or unintentionally giving her ideas. Then they'll help her to get better, they'll teach her how to deal with the feelings and ideas so that later on when she does encounter other people or if said ideas and feelings return, she knows how to deal rather than turning to the kind of behaviour she's doing right now.

Do you see? The point is to give her a chance to clear her head, sort of. Yes, friends are important. Very important. Very very. But... *sigh* I don't know what words to use or in what order. You don't know what is running through your friends head. actiosn speak louder than words, Do as I say, not as I do. Why can't I find the words??

"People with problems" are never truely fixed, truth be told. Even after you get help and counselling, that inclination to ... self-mutilate or whatever is still there. It's just a matter of learning how to deal with it.

Cutting her off from her friends is one method that can be used in the process. For some people it's necessary, for others it's not. They're assuming that it's necessary for your friend. Like I said, if she doesn't like it and if it does nothing for her, then clearly it isn't the right method for her and another counsellor should be found.

I hope I'm getting across what I'm meaning to. I'm not too good at it when I really want to...at least the net lets me think it all out before saying it.

*hugs for catrat* lvoe you darl, hope your Happy CD helped a bit
 
The reason I asked was, I wondered how much experience this person had. Makes you wonder huh?

Did you get my PM btw?
 
Originally posted by Snowbaby@Jul 21 2005, 09:03 AM
The reason I asked was, I wondered how much experience this person had. Makes you wonder huh?

Did you get my PM btw?
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Yeah, so true.
And yep, just replied, sorry it took me so long
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She sounds as bad as social services
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They think they can do it all by reading a book and they can not doing anything else, sometimes they make situations worst then they already are
They have a check list
If you don't get ticks on this this this and this then you can't have this
Winds you up don't it
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