Should I tell my boyfriend's mother that I'm an atheist?

[claudine]

Hi! I have a really big problem, I hope you can help me solve it.
My boyfriend lives with his parents. We can't afford to rent our own apartment yet. His mother is a very religious person, I know that faith is extremely important to her. I'm different. I've never believed in god and I don't want to follow any religion. If she knew about it, she would never accept me, I'm sure of it. She would turn my boyfriend's life into a nightmare. She already tries to convert everyone around her.
My boyfriend says that he doesn't want me to hide anything. What should I do? I really don't want to lie. I'm not ashamed of who I'm. On the other hand, I love my boyfriend dearly and I don't want to cause him any trouble.
If you were me, what would you do? I feel completely lost, so any advice will be very welcome!

 

[Trellum]

Hi Claudine! It really sounds like you are in a complicated situation, I know the kind of person you are talking about. I've had a lot encounters with people like that, and I must say there is no point in trying to reason with them, believe me.

So if it was me in a situation exactly like yours (and knowing what I know now) I'd surely not tell a word to her about me being atheist. I really don't think is necessary, plus you don't have to lie and say you are religious as well or something like that. You just have to avoid telling her you are atheist, because if you do things can get very ugly.

I've met a lot people who have tried to convert me, and you know what I do now? I'm very polite about it and pretend I listen, if they tell me I'll go to hell if I don't convert to their religion or something like that I smile and just walk away. Sometimes you just have to avoid confrontation In this case I think that's the best choice, once you both live together you can tell her if you want

 

[claudine]

Trellum, thank you so much for your response!
Unfortunately, I'm afraid that soon or later she will ask me if I am a Catholic. I know that she keeps telling my boyfriend to take me to a mass on Sunday. He isn't religious at all, but hides it, because he doesn't want her to try to convert him.
If she knew that her son doesn't want to follow any religion, she'd be raging mad.
The problem is, I really want to be honest. I was raised in a Catholic family too. My parents were forcing me to pray and to participate in a mass. I hated it with all my heart. I remember sitting in a church and crying. I spent most of my childhood and teenage years there. Now, I'm an adult, so finally, I'm free. I don't want to give up on it. I believe that I have a right to make my own choices. I'm an atheist, I can't change it. I wish people around me were able to accept it!
On the other hand, I agree that sometimes it's better to avoid confrontation.

 

[Trellum]

Uhm, so she is trying to interfere in both your life and his? Eeek! I know that kind of people, they are usually relentless and have really bad reactions towards people who don't share their views. Tell me honestly... what's the worst you think that could happen if she finds out you are an atheist? Do you really think she'd make the life of your boyfriend a living hell? Do you think your relationship could suffer badly because of this?

You have right to express your beliefs or lack of them But think about the consequences well and long enough before taking the decision

You know what I do when someone asks me something I'm not comfortable answering? I look straight to their eyes and say: ''I don't feel comfortable answering that''. I usually offer a polite smile and quickly change the subject to a more light topic. But I know this might not work with your boyfriend's mom.