Intimacy Issues With Your Partner

[Lilly81]

What do you when you find yourself in a relationship and you do not feel you are getting enough intimacy? This can be because of life, work, stress, anything that can take the attention and need away from your partner. And the longer the lack of intimacy goes on for the harder it is to snap out of it and get that spark back.

My relationship with my partner is great in all areas apart from intimacy sometimes. He has had problems and is a shy person anyway. He has had a lot of stress in his life and this has probably not helped at all, but this is fading slowly I hope now.
How do you start to get back on track together? I sit here sometimes feeling all sorry for myself, not getting that excitement and closeness I want, but I realize that most relationships have their issues and these are there to be dealt with and to move on from.

When you have been without intimacy for a while you can sometimes get into that "comfy" area with your partner. You stop trying to make romantic nights happen, you just sit there watching TV or using the computer. I never want to get into the "just friends" area with my partner, where that spark goes out of things altogether. There is no attraction issue where I am concerned with him, he says there that is not the case with him either, but he is very hard to get to open up most of the time.
I have put on a little bit of weight but he says nothing about that, he even brings me chocolate home some nights.

So what do you do when you want to get that part of your relationship back again? But the longer you leave it the harder it is to get back into it again. We are both the shy types and that does not help as there is no one to really lead in the bedroom.

I want to be with my partner for a long time and just hope that we can get this area of our relationship back again.

 

[Lee11]

I think many relationships go through a phase such as this one, Lilly81, but if you have a real love connection, you have to work through it together. You know intimacy, is both emotional and physical...but something that is lacking in many relationships.

You are so right, in not wanting to allow it to fall into the comfort zone - that is death to a relationship, in so many ways. You could pop in to see a relationship counselor in your neighborhood possibly? Speak openly and honestly with them, and see what professional advice they can give you? Read books. Armour yourself with as much info as you can and apply it in your relationship.

Is he going through a lot of stress at the moment? There could be many reasons. Also, focus on being the best version of you possible...and see that you are moving forward at all times, and it will be impossible to fall into stagnation.

Just do not give up on you, him or your relationship together. Chat to the right person and implement those changes. All the best to you both~

 

[Sarah C.]

I agree with everything Lee11 said. Counseling is a great idea and can open up the intimacy you want with your partner. A good counselor will be able to help you each understand the other better, and point out things neither of you may see. I know that physical intimacy is not everything in a relationship, but it is an important part. I like that you have the mindset of wanting to keep the spark alive, that is half of the battle right there.

 

[Luz Cerebro]

After our daughter was born, my husband and I had issues like this, and we approached it very practically - we bought a calendar, and we marked dates on it that we would have sex or go out or both. We also committed to taking steps on those days to firmly adhere to those dates - that meant no working late, no medication that might inhibit performance, no spicy or heavy foods at dinner, etc.

That first month, I'll admit, one or both of us was sometimes just going through the motions - but the fact that we were both actively doing something that demonstrated our commitment to the relationship made us both feel amorous towards one another, and after a while I would get very excited throughout the day when I knew it was a sex night - I think he was the same way. It took about a month, but after that we didn't need the calendar anymore.

I don't know a lot about relationships, but I do know if you wait for feelings to motivate action, you'll be waiting a long time - you have to take action!!!