Princess Pyro
New Member
- Ask him why he doesn't have such a cool scar.
- Ask him if he has any grey poupon.
-Wake him up by singing Aretha Franklin, "I will survive..."
-Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'
-Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories
over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.
-Smile during Death-Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.
-Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.
-Dance the Funky Chicken.
-Ask him when was the last time he took a bath
-Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.
-If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find
that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.
-Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.
-Call him 'The-man-who-let-the-boy-live'
-Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'
-Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.
-Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.
-Be cheerful.
-When he tries to impress you with his powers say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'
-Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.
-Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's
your funeral.'
-Teach him how to spit tobacco.
-Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? Whats that, a washing detergent?'
-Keep a 'good-behavior chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.
-Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
-Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof*
there....
-Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?
-Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you.
-'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Ever?'
-Tell him he should really try the 12-step program (baby steps) for Evil Overlords - Evil Overlords Anonymous.
-Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.
-In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.
-Exclaim sarcastically 'You're breakin' my little heart here, dark one' whenever he starts to talk of what has
caused to become who he is.
-Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'
-Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.
-Mock his choice of Quirrel as a 'host'.
-Tell him you think a yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways'
-Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head.
-If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you 'thought you were helping!'
-Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.
-Buy him a stress ball.
-Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.
-Call him Tommy-boy.
-If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.
-Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.
-Say he 'looked better under the turban'
-Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.
-Teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.
-Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.
-Be generally in awe of him and never look away.
-'Imperius' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful'
-Bring a toaster to the next death eater meeting, and offer him an English muffin.
-Whistle the first few notes of "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts" incessantly while in his presence.
-Get many "Property of---" stickers. Place them on everything he owns. This includes Nigini.
-Wear cheap muggle X-ray glasses to the next Death Eater meeting. Leer suggestively at him.
-Leave candy and flowers at his chamber door. Blame Malfoy.
-Buy him a cell phone. Call him at odd hours of the night, claiming you have the wrong phone number.
-Dress up as Harry Potter for Halloween. Get a friend and reenact all the times Harry Potter kicked his ass.
-Sneak a red sock into his bleached laundry so that he ends up with pink underwear
-Kidnap Wormtail and replace him with a real rat and let Voldemort embarrass himself by talking to it
-Send a bunch of owls to his "secret" hideout and train them to all use the bathroom on his house
-Get him a Teddy bear. Tell him it might help his 'anger problem'.
-Send him a mutilated arm with a card that says "From Wormtail, with love."
-Get him drunk. Get him VERY drunk. Video tape all the blackmail worthy events. Discreetly send the tape
to Dumbledore.
-Meow occasionally during the Death Eater meetings
-Send cheerleaders to the next meeting. ("Give me a 'V'! Give me an "O'! Give me a 'L'!!)
-Throw slices of cheese at him. When you finally hit his face, yell "WOO!" and then run for your life.
-Hire a mime to mimic his every movement.
-Tie him down and make him watch non-stop Disney movies
-Make passes at him. Use annoying lines such as "Hey Voldie, do you believe in love at first sight, or should -
I walk by again?"
-Play 'The Penis Game' at a Death Eater's meeting... See who can yell it the loudest, before Voldemort kills
them.
-Anything he says, say Why?
-Mimic everything he does.
-Say, so, how many 1 year olds have defeated you THIS week, voldy?
-Buy him head polish
-Call him 'mommy's little Tommy'
-Constantly repeat the name of his least favorite food, alternating on 'kumquat' every tenth time.
-Tell him "You're just the cutest little witch I've ever seen!" in baby talk
With a new member called Voldemort, I just couldn't resist
- Ask him if he has any grey poupon.
-Wake him up by singing Aretha Franklin, "I will survive..."
-Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'
-Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories
over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.
-Smile during Death-Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.
-Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.
-Dance the Funky Chicken.
-Ask him when was the last time he took a bath
-Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.
-If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find
that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.
-Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.
-Call him 'The-man-who-let-the-boy-live'
-Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'
-Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.
-Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.
-Be cheerful.
-When he tries to impress you with his powers say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'
-Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.
-Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's
your funeral.'
-Teach him how to spit tobacco.
-Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? Whats that, a washing detergent?'
-Keep a 'good-behavior chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.
-Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
-Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof*
there....
-Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?
-Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you.
-'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Ever?'
-Tell him he should really try the 12-step program (baby steps) for Evil Overlords - Evil Overlords Anonymous.
-Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.
-In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.
-Exclaim sarcastically 'You're breakin' my little heart here, dark one' whenever he starts to talk of what has
caused to become who he is.
-Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'
-Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.
-Mock his choice of Quirrel as a 'host'.
-Tell him you think a yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways'
-Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head.
-If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you 'thought you were helping!'
-Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.
-Buy him a stress ball.
-Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.
-Call him Tommy-boy.
-If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.
-Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.
-Say he 'looked better under the turban'
-Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.
-Teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.
-Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.
-Be generally in awe of him and never look away.
-'Imperius' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful'
-Bring a toaster to the next death eater meeting, and offer him an English muffin.
-Whistle the first few notes of "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts" incessantly while in his presence.
-Get many "Property of---" stickers. Place them on everything he owns. This includes Nigini.
-Wear cheap muggle X-ray glasses to the next Death Eater meeting. Leer suggestively at him.
-Leave candy and flowers at his chamber door. Blame Malfoy.
-Buy him a cell phone. Call him at odd hours of the night, claiming you have the wrong phone number.
-Dress up as Harry Potter for Halloween. Get a friend and reenact all the times Harry Potter kicked his ass.
-Sneak a red sock into his bleached laundry so that he ends up with pink underwear
-Kidnap Wormtail and replace him with a real rat and let Voldemort embarrass himself by talking to it
-Send a bunch of owls to his "secret" hideout and train them to all use the bathroom on his house
-Get him a Teddy bear. Tell him it might help his 'anger problem'.
-Send him a mutilated arm with a card that says "From Wormtail, with love."
-Get him drunk. Get him VERY drunk. Video tape all the blackmail worthy events. Discreetly send the tape
to Dumbledore.
-Meow occasionally during the Death Eater meetings
-Send cheerleaders to the next meeting. ("Give me a 'V'! Give me an "O'! Give me a 'L'!!)
-Throw slices of cheese at him. When you finally hit his face, yell "WOO!" and then run for your life.
-Hire a mime to mimic his every movement.
-Tie him down and make him watch non-stop Disney movies
-Make passes at him. Use annoying lines such as "Hey Voldie, do you believe in love at first sight, or should -
I walk by again?"
-Play 'The Penis Game' at a Death Eater's meeting... See who can yell it the loudest, before Voldemort kills
them.
-Anything he says, say Why?
-Mimic everything he does.
-Say, so, how many 1 year olds have defeated you THIS week, voldy?
-Buy him head polish
-Call him 'mommy's little Tommy'
-Constantly repeat the name of his least favorite food, alternating on 'kumquat' every tenth time.
-Tell him "You're just the cutest little witch I've ever seen!" in baby talk
With a new member called Voldemort, I just couldn't resist
