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'Scared' to have kids?

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Lugia

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Jun 13, 2010
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I'm not trying to act rude, but like... okay, so I'm all scared and nervous about getting pregnant and having kids when the time comes. My mom says that it's just something wrong with me at the moment and that I'll change my mind when I grow up, but like... I don't know. I just don't feel the need to get married and have children, and I'm afraid I will because I just really, really don't want to... because a part of me is afraid to lose that freedom I've been longing for for so long...

I just want your input... is there something wrong with me?
 
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Like, part of me wants to but the other part of me just doesn't feel like having to take on such responsibility and commitment and sacrifice....

Please help :confused:
 
There's nothing wrong with you, it's natural to worry - but it's also natural to have children.
You're clearly not ready now, just don't think about it until you need to.
 
Society makes us believe that a woman's ultimate goal is having children but that is not true; every woman feel different about pregnancy and a woman may not ever feel at least "maternal instinct" when seeing a child, like some celebrities claim in interviews, and all of this is natural.

When I was a teen I felt like you so I thought it was better not having children for my own wellness. Overtime I found I was not interested in motherhood really, but perhaps when the time would come I would love to have a baby. That time never came despite I learned that pregnancy is not what I thought in my youth days, but I don't see myself having babies.

However when you grow older, you may find yourself asking if you did right opting for not get pregnant, but the answer is strictly personal. What is good for me, may not be good for you.
 
Giygas said:
I'm not trying to act rude, but like... okay, so I'm all scared and nervous about getting pregnant and having kids when the time comes. My mom says that it's just something wrong with me at the moment and that I'll change my mind when I grow up, but like... I don't know. I just don't feel the need to get married and have children, and I'm afraid I will because I just really, really don't want to... because a part of me is afraid to lose that freedom I've been longing for for so long...

I just want your input... is there something wrong with me?
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You are normal and it is normal for a girl to be scared because of the stories we heard about pregnancy especially in giving birth the baby. What you mean freedom? Being single you mean? I understand that and you can freely enjoy your youth and being single but you will come to that point that you want to have someone with you and that's the time you want to get married. I am sure your mind will be change at the right time. God bless.
 
I appreciate your advice, it's a bit reassuring. :) Though, I must say, I guess having kids just doesn't look like the right decision for me. I'm the kind of person who enjoys being alone, though not really a loner, and likes peace and quiet. And to not worry.

But if I do have kids I'll probably wait until my mid 30's...
 
Of course there is nothing wrong with you. I am sure you are still young which could be partially why. Maybe some day you will change your mind. However, even if you do not want to have kids ever or get married, there is still nothing wrong with you. Not everyone should need to have kids or get married to be normal.
 
You are definitely not alone. There are plenty of women in the world who don't desire to have children. Having children and getting married isn't for everyone. Some people simply don't need that to be happy. You might change your mind as you age; then again, you might not. Either way there is nothing wrong with you at all.
 
It's natural to feel scared now when you're not ready yet. When the time comes and you're ready, it will come naturally. As long as you feel that your freedom is more important than having to sacrifice your time in having children, don't let anyone force you into something that you're not ready yet to do.
 
Its completely natural to feel like that. I was adamant I never wanted kids but now I am pregnant! Your feelings do change over time, but I am still worried whether I will make a good mother etc.
 
This is normal, lots of people feel this way about these things, it's a matter of preferences about life really. I have a friend who is totally scared of having children, even the thought of the process of making them :p.
 
I've known people who really didn't want to give up that freedom and responsibility before, and after they're out of school, settled into a good job, have a partner they love, etc, they do end up realizing they want kids now. They've had their fun, their freedom, their space away from everything, and the next step for them is to bring new people into the world to love and mold and play with and mess up, lol.

So yes, it's normal to be scared or to not even want kids. And yes, maybe you'll change your mind later. That's okay, too. There's obviously no rush and reason to have to decide right now. Just stay safe when you do have sex at some point so it doesn't happen by accident and if you realize it's the right choice for you later on, so be it. There's nothing wrong with you either way, though.
 
There is nothing wrong with a decision that makes you happy. The time may come that you change your mind, but I wouldn't worry about it now. I always said I wasn't having kids and then at 25 I had my first daughter. If you are not comfortable with the idea of having children, then you should not feel like you have to. I know people who never had kids as they just did not want to (for various reasons) and then I also know people who did not have kids because they were not able.
 
There is nothing wrong with you, I think everyone feels like they need freedom when they are still young. I remember I felt same way you did when I was in my early 20's. I wanted to get away from my parents as soon as possible, get my own life, have fun and I though getting married and having kids would ruin that for me. I did have a couple of years where I really did nothing and had no responsibility but guess what? I got bored with that part of my life and that's what I think will happen with you. After a certain point it's like your life has no meaning just doing the same things all them time and you get this urge to have a family, to take care of someone. Yes of course there are some people who never get this feeling and that's fine, whatever makes you happy, don't decide to have kids just because everyone else does or you feel pressured.
 
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I don think there's anything wrong with you. I know that I want children and I'm 30 years old. However I don't have a desire to be pregnant and go through the entire childbirth experience. Which is obviously something I'm going to have to get over before I can have kids!
 
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