Pretty And Perfect

[Potholer]

Pretty and Perfect

The fabric slid across her fingers and caught on her ring. She inspected the turquoise critically, making sure no imperfection had appeared. Just in case. She wasn’t going to buy another dress and this one glittered perfectly well. After all, that’s all she really wanted – something that glittered prettily, sprinkled stars toying with the eye as they moved in chilled air. The hem whispered to the floor, a sound she particularly liked so she swayed a little more so that the sound could tickle her ears again. Yes, just perfect. Pretty and perfect.



I've been told it's over written (which it is) but I don't know what I can change. I was going to take out "something that glittered prettily" but then would mean that the ending wouldn't end quite right because the pretty and perfect come from further up. Any suggestions?

 

[Tiddlyjen]

i like that, i dont really think it is over written to be honest *shrugs*

 

[Potholer]

Heh ok thanks TJ

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[Potholer]

A friend of mine edited it for me so here's the new version.

The fabric slid across her fingers and caught on her ring. She inspected the turquoise critically, making sure no imperfection had appeared.

Just in case.

She wasn't going to buy another dress and this one glittered perfectly well. After all, that's what she really wanted – something that glittered prettily, sprinkled stars toying with the eye as they moved in chilled air.

The hem whispered to the floor, a sound she particularly liked so she swayed a little more so that the sound could tickle her ears again. Yes, just perfect.

Pretty and perfect.


I think I prefer "all she really wanted" rather than "what" because it implies so much more but I'm not sure yet...

 

[Sezza]

i really liked your version better