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When you say that your thinking of things you shouldn't be...I hope you're not thinking about suicide. Things are never as bad as they seem. In time, you'll be able to look back on this period of your life as a great learning experience, one that took you to a much better place. So don't let suicide enter your thoughs.  And the boyfriend who took your "V" and rejected you? Forget about him. He's not worth your thoughts.