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Better to always think positive and be strong for your kids (easier said than done) but it is really possible to do since a lot had gone through on such situations. Although some had succeed and some had failed, better choose and be determined to succeed since you have two children that look up to you. Make them grow up feeling your love and closeness to them unlike what you are feeling for your mother now that you said she had not brought you up well since she was a very private person. Do not let your kids think in the future that you do not set a good example for them.