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I agree with Roxanne.  I know it's probably not what you want to hear, but I think it's a lost cause.  No girl ever wants to "play second fiddle"... especially to her mother.  Be clear to both of them how you feel, especially to your mother.  She's the only one you have and you both love each other more than any guy, especially that one.  It's you and her for the long haul.  Keep looking and you'll find a quality guy who respects you and your mother as well as boundaries.