How do you support a partner who just got fired?

[digitalbrew]

This morning, my partner was home early. He told me he was deliberated today wherein the client pulled out his file and finally said that his metrics were below passing. He was the pioneer of a batch which required extremely high passing scores (imagine having to go beyond 95, 85, 90, 95). He was also the last in his batch to leave the company.

I was pretty much speechless at first because I didn't know what to say, but then I just hugged him and squeezed his hand. And then, I told him, "Would you like me to accompany you in your next job hunt?". He smiled and I left him alone to distract himself by playing his favorite online game.

What would you have done if your partner got fired?

 

[Chavaun Jones]

Well, I've had to deal with this personally because my....I don't even know what to call him anymore, let's say, the father of
my children has never really been a sound provider. He loses jobs like normal people misplace keys. One thing that picked up
over the years is that compassion and understanding go a long way. Trying to empathize when you're aware that this
situation is one that can leave you both in a bad position is difficult. You don't want to ride him, but after 2-3 weeks with
no obvious attempt on his part could be frustrating. I also wouldn't constantly prod him to go job hunting right away. For
a while he'll probably feel as if he's let you and himself down, he'll feel worthless and incapable of providing the basic essentials,
and for a man, I assume that's tantamount to defeat because they're raised to believe that they have to support the household,
they're trained at an earlier age to assume the duties of breadwinner, and having to depend on you for his basic needs could
wreak havoc on his psyche.

All you can really do is try to be there for him emotionally and try to let him know that this one situation does not determine
his value of self worth, because that will be an issue. At any rate, good luck and hugs to you both

 

[SarahLizzie]

The only job I was ever fired from, my boyfriend let me cry in his embrace until I could not cry any longer. I was heartbroken, because I loved my job, and the circumstances surrounding it were false accusations.

Anyhow, after I was done crying, he had to go in to work his shift. He let me be a bum for a week, and get myself back together mentally and start to prepare myself to start a job hunt. But he let me take my time, and was supportive of me and listened to anything I had to say. If I spoke about job opportunities I was interested in, he would be very motivating and instrumental in me taking the necessary steps to obtain the job I wanted.

Sometimes after a devastating blow, like your job termination, you just need to be left alone fora little bit. I did the same thing, I went and played games online that day and the next day. It allowed me fun, relaxation time, but at the same time it was something I was doing that I could allow my mind to wonder and figure out what to do next.

 

[digitalbrew]

For
a while he'll probably feel as if he's let you and himself down, he'll feel worthless and incapable of providing the basic essentials,
and for a man, I assume that's tantamount to defeat because they're raised to believe that they have to support the household,
they're trained at an earlier age to assume the duties of breadwinner, and having to depend on you for his basic needs could
wreak havoc on his psyche.

It's been two weeks now and I'm a bit concerned. Still, I'm not a nagger but I would definitely appreciate some sort of assurance that he's willing to get back on the game. My earnings cannot support the both of us which worries me a lot because we have bills to pay and other necessities to spend on. I know he probably still feels down especially when the year started with everything going on a downward spiral. His family lose their business and this new job was promising but due to some company changes, his entire batch was laid off.

I hope I've done my best in providing some support and push but then when does push become shove?

Sarah Lizzie: I know what you mean. I resigned from my previous job and after some while I decided to apply to another one. That time I didn't make the cut because of I failed in the "Salary Expectation" section of the interview. He was nice enough to allow me to feel bad for myself and eat somewhere we've always wanted to try eating at.

 

[Chavaun Jones]

One thing you could do that could possibly light a fire under his butt is change your spending habits if they tend to favor him. Like if
he has something that he's used to getting or doing; right now, he can't do anything unless you pay for it, so if he's used to doing something
that requires money, simply refuse.
My ex had a wicked Xbox live habit, and when he quit his job, he relied on that more often for entertainment. After 2 months of him just
becoming the king of Xbox to the kids he was playing against, I cancelled his subscription. Let him know that you can't nor should you
be expected to carry the household. Its unfortunate that he lost his job, and while it may not have been his fault, it certainly wasn't yours.
Explain to him the strain that this leaves you under and let him know that you want nothing more than for the two of you to be a strong,
cohesive unit, but that only works when the two of you are working towards a goal. If you're re-working a new budget, fix it to where
the things that he care about or directly affect him are effects; like his clothes, toiletries, entertainment, gas, etc,.

 

[j_pin]

I would try to be as supportive as possible if my partner got fired and even give them a little bit of time to rest and regroup. After that though I would try to encourage them on their job hunt and be supportive and help them along the way as much as possible. Try not to stress him out too much, but you also don't want to let him slide in to just nothing.