Hi everyone :) really need friendship and advice.

[Roxanne1980]

Hi Everyone

I have a complicated life that many would consider not the norm and i guess i would agree with them but we all have to make the best out of what is dealt us and thats all i am trying to do.

I am 33 and a single parent to a 5 year old daughter the love of my life. I was born a man and up untill 6 years or so ago i was happy that way, but in February 2007 i was diagnosed with a serious hormone related illness that changed my whole life and i have been trying ever since to build myself back up and live as normal as i can.

The illness itself effected my bodies ability to absorb testosterone, because my testosterone was not being absorbed it started getting converted to estrogen. I was in and out of hospital for months having tests and having different forms of treatments, all why my partner and i should have been the happiest we had been as we where expecting our first child. But this put serious strain on us and my partner could not handle what was happening very well After 4 months or so i was diagnosed as being intersexed and my whole life changed drastically for the worse. This is a short version and im sorry if its to long.

My daughter was born and things between me and my partner where very bad, she became depressed and i was also suffering from depression due to my diagnosis and trying to come to terms with changes that i did not want but had forced upon me. I was getting help from the hospital but it was not really what i wanted.

After 6 months after my daughter was born my partner left us, she ran away to Scotland with another man and left her gorgeous little girl behind which i will never understand, to this day even though i have tried to forgive her i cannot. She has not been back since, her parents come down and see there grand daughter but not her, i do not even know where she is.

So in short there was me going through all kinds of changes, being in and out of hospital with my little girl to bring up on my own. It was hard to say the least.

The huge problem i had was i was not responding to any treatment that i was given, so i was gradually feminizing, and by this time it was noticeable, i was in and out of the hospital all the time, being given different drugs, some made me very ill and the only one that seemed to halt everything was the one that would seriously effect me health and life expectancy, i was given the choice, i could have estrogen or no hormones a tall, as my body had become completely incapable of absorbing testosterone. So if i blocked all my hormone production i would not change any more, but hormones are also there for health reasons, so i had very little choice. I decided to cope with all my changes and just live the best i could with my daughter, she had no one else so it was a no brainier for me really.

I made that choice 4 years ago, it was hard as hell, we moved house twice to get away from abuse and 2 years ago i made the huge decision to try and live life as a woman, that may sound crazy but i could not be accepted as a man with the way i looked, i had tried and failed, my daughter needed stability and some where to call home and go to school and just be normal, i felt so much guilt and i was so angry. But this was an option i took. Its hard at the minute for me but my daughter is happy and i think she feels normal and loved. I feel lonely and still trying to come to terms with being seen as a woman, trying to learn about make up and clothes and so on it pretty hard, so i am hoping that i might find some acceptance here and maybe make a few friends that just accept me for me ?

I am sorry this is sooooo long but i want people to know the truth about me so you can make your own mind up. I am very open, i find it helps me cope. But many people judge me and i have not got any friends really. So any help or advice or even a chat from time to time would be appreciated, else i might go crazy if i have to watch one more disney princess cartoon

Thanks for reading
Roxanne xx

 

[Gemstones&Sparkles]

Hi Roxanne,

I just read your post thank you for sharing, I'm not really sure what to say as I could not begin to understand what you have gone through and going through it must be so hard to deal with something like that and through it all you only want your daughter to be happy and live a 'normal' life, well I'm sure whatever happens you will have your daughters love and I really hope you can push past all the ignorant people who don't have clue and make some friends

-Naomi x

 

[Roxanne1980]

Hi Naomi, thank you for being so nice i know most people will think im crazy or strange but i am actually a normal person just trying to make the best of a horrible situation, my daughter is my life and i just want her to have a normal life and be happy, its very hard for me at the minute and its nice to hear some one being nice lol thank you

Roxanne xxx

 

[Brighteyes]

Am sorry to be so harsh about this, the simply fact is that I have read/seen this "STORY" so many times, on so many forums (strangely enough always on female forums) and always it has been shown/proven to be a complete load of rubbish.

This "STORY" I can assure you has been circulating for years...It would now appear to be on it's rounds yet again.

 

[trishgl]

Hi Roxanne,

I would never have thought that such a condition could be so very extreme. My mom is a doctor and she specializes in endocrinology. I remember her saying cases such as yours was one in a million I just never heard of anyone actually having the condition. You made the right move to raise your daughter and are very courageous to try and face your problems head on. Too many people nowadays just make excuses but you managed to overcome and move forward.

Yes indeed our children motivate us to trudge along even if we don't feel like we have the energy or the will to. After all if we don't protect them who will. Don't worry this is a great place to reach out and ask about anything under the sun about being a girl, mom, sister etc. Welcome and hope to hear more from you soon.