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I have had my heart break before many times. Before dating my now boyfriend, I was in and out of dates that were only using me for sex. (Though I never slept with any one of them - thank god for that.)


My first boyfriend ever of 4 years though - he constantly brought up over and over again how his friends were getting laid and he still got nothing from our relationship. It was unhealthy - extremely very well so, because it took on a very sour note. He began saying how during the last 4 years I never made him happy. All I did was ruin his life by straining his relationship with his friends. Making him look bad, and apparently I didn't care for his feelings enough. It got so dreadfully bad that I began having suicidal thoughts because he made me feel worthless. He degraded me whenever I spoke to him and told me he didn't want to hear any of my crap/ that he wasn't my counselor/ and didn't want to console me  unless I was willing to make his day be better by finally having sex.


There was a point where he offered that we go on vacation as a peace-offering because he was being too aggressive. At first I was ecstatic for this. However I learned I was naive because I heard him speaking to a friend that this was the best way to finally get me to give him sex. He was only doing it for sex. Not for me, not to make things better, but to get some rep with his friends. His obviously stupid ones that have no respect for women. Anyways I BROKE things off, the day before the trip leaving him mouth open and confused.


He returned again to my house asking to repent for his mistakes. I once again was naive, fell into the trap. Because he was my first, I felt I was going to be alone forever. I said okay. So he came over my house again. However on his way in he bumped into my brother and dropped condoms from his pants. My older brother wouldn't have it - so tired of this guy and punched him. lol


Anyways from that moment on - I was really no more gullible gal. On dates I was always asked for sex and I gave them nothing but a reality check. Got called a prude, so many times, but when I finally met the right guy  - I learned that some men are just selfish jerks. The really good ones are hard to find, they are at the top of the tree (if you ever heard that metaphor) you just have to wait for the right one. It will take a lot of trial and error but its worth it. xD


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