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Best Friend No More

LunarScorpio

Member
Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
33
So, I have this friend that I’ve known for probably about ten or so years. A couple years ago, she got involved with this guy that was simply no good and I tried to warn her about him, but nothing ever worked to put it simply. She was the maid of honor at my wedding and even then I could tell that she was starting to pull away from me--she didn’t call, didn’t text, didn’t show up for hanging out, etc. It was so depressing and stressful because she was supposed to be my best friend and she was never around. My wedding was fantastic and she did show up, but even then it was horrible dealing with her. She wouldn’t sit at the bridal party table and instead continued to leave to go sit with her boyfriend (the only reason I invited him was because she begged and pleaded with me, making up some story about how she was sick and needed him to be there so he could take care of her).

After the wedding, I started hearing stories about her and her boyfriend fighting outside, something about drugs (he’s a known druggy, but had claimed he’d quite), and that he had walked off and she had run after him--she even ended up missing a special dance I had scheduled because of him. Either way, I went on my honeymoon and when I got back, I got a call from her mom telling me that she had OD’ed right before my wedding and this was the mysterious illness she had claimed to have. Their daughter had been taken away from them and they were close to being evicted. Me being me, wanted nothing more than to help her (not her boyfriend because I hated him and still do to this day), but she continued to push me away.

Fast-forward a few months, she got kicked out of the house, landing her and her daughter in a homeless shelter and her boyfriend was taken to jail. She was placed in a program that got her back on her feet and into a house--everything was going GREAT! Fast-forward a few more months, he got out of jail, she said she wasn’t going to get back with him and guess what…she did. What’s that mean for me? No more best friend. She won’t return text messages or calls, let alone initiate the conversation unless something’s going on (like when my dad went into the hospital). Her daughter’s birthday was this past December and I didn’t get an invite to the party (that she told me I’d be invited to).

Either way, I haven’t really talked to her since my dad went to the hospital and the last I heard was she was officially engaged to her boyfriend. I don’t plan on going to any sort of wedding she plans to have with him and needless to say, I think it’s the end of our friendship. I’m so torn over it and genuinely upset to the point that I find myself tearing up even now writing all this. I just needed to get it out, I think, but it’s so hard not to think about her and how screwed up the entire situation is. I should just forget her, but it’s hard. It doesn’t help matters that I really don’t have any other female friends. I don’t know what to do and I’m just sad. I just had to get it out there. Thanks for listening and sorry this was so long, like I said, I just had to get it out.
 
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LunarScorpio, I can understand your sadness - I lost a close friend due to similar circumstances. Her boyfriend was also a drug-addict and the energy that surrounds that is so negative etc...I had to remove myself. But not after TRYING like hell to help her SEE.

She chose him. We have not spoken to this day, but the pain I felt at that point...when our friendship started shattering was gut wrenching.

As for YOU. I think yours is worse than mine - you come a longer way and I would keel over and die if something like that happened to the best friend that I have now.

I do not think that you need to forget her - love is forever - just love her from a distance. When she wakes up she will return, but you cannot count on it. SO maybe fully grieve the loss of her now...feel it fully and do not judge what you are feeling. Then release it with trust and I am sure that your heart will then open up to the possibilty of another friendship...

She is far too toxic to be around now.

But for now you need a more nurturing friendship, one where you are both on the same page. There are people out there who would love to have a close friend with a true person such as yourself.

Thank you for sharing. All the best and I am sure 2012 will bring you more of what your heart desires.
 
There are people in our lives that no matter how we care for them, they will eventually just ignore it because they are being with wrong people. When I lost some people along the way of life I remember my quote "There are times that we have to put certain people in our past in order to move on and protect our future. Also for us to realize who had been taken for granted."

She would have her own life and if she want a life without you, you can not do anything about it. Maybe just wish her well and still be a friend is she would needs you. And focus more on more important things and people around you specially your family.
 
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Thank you both for your words, it's really helped me gain some perspective. It's just been really hard--especially because every time I start getting over it all, she pops up again and the cycle starts again. I think I'm just going to let her do whatever she wants and in the end if she ends up leaving him and needing me, then I'll be there for her.

I actually found out yesterday I'm not the only one feeling this way about the situation. Apparently she's done it to a few other people as well, which kind of makes me feel better that it wasn't just me.

Thank you both again, I really appreciate it!
 
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