a break of a break up

[claudia]

Ok so my boyfriend of 5 months was acting a bit strange one day, seemingly ignoring me and answering any my question as if he was forced to. After few hurtful days of that i finally broke and said to him (on facebook chat) that it was really hurtful and why did he change like that. He totally snapped then saying things like - all i ever done in this relationship is try to make you happy - and he started to repeat that - it was just too much and he just cant do this anymore because he has another things to think about as well. Me, being shocked, didnt argue about that at all, he was the most sweetest most gentleman-est person ive ever met in my life but what i did manage to understand is that for around the whole month before that chat he considered me constantly sad and for some reason he was blaming himself for my ''sadness''. We're both in school and he does have guitar as well as violin as well as religion as well as rugby after school, i totally see how being stressed about me aswell would be too much, so what i did is i made up a lie. I told him that because of my family history of depression i also get clinically depressed and that it was not his fault because whatever he wouldve done i wouldve had it anyway. However around 3 days afterwards he just broke up with me saying that he would always remember me and that i would always be in his heart. Well me not liking to lie to people i love said that since this is over i might aswell tell you the truth and i told him all about me not understanding his illusion of my sadness. He said the usual you shouldve told me the truth from the start crap and i said you had no reason to blame yourself so i just wanted to blame my supposed sadness onto something other than you. Long conversation short he said he (loved me and) wanted some time and that during that time we both be single BUT i was to still be around him and talk to him as i would normally. Of course i couldnt possibly do that seeing as i still cry just thinking about him and its been 3 weeks since the break up. Please. Please! Help me, what do i need to do to get him back??? Or do i just accept that its over?? I do love him with all my heart but if he really still loves me wouldnt he do anything to be with me??

 

[Angels Eyes]

:'(

 

[zararina]

You are right that if he loves you, he should do everything yo be with you. And if he really wants you not to be lonely, why he broke up with you instead of staying with you and make you feel happy. It seems it was really hard to understand him on his "reason" of breaking up and maybe you need to keep distance from him. And see if he will do effort to be close to you again. It was not easy but I think being near to someone who seems does not care anymore can hurt you more.

 

[altrouge]

Hi Claudia, I'll give you a straight answer : don't even bother trying to get him back.

Thing is, if he did love you, even the greatest of problems should not be tried to be resolved by having a breakup. Instead he should have talked to you more about it and tried to discuss on how you two would overcome this problem together. Well, he probably did love you, but it wasn't strong enough.

 

[Ayane]

Hi there Claudia, I would like to give you a piece of advice. I was with a guy for 4 years and at first I thought he was the sweetest guy I ever knew as well. He was so nice to me in person but over facebook chat he would always put me down and seem like a totally different person. He used to tell me how my negativity used to drain him. Like nothing I would ever say would make him happy because I only would make him feel depressed. I was so hurt and because of that I started to think illogically. I felt like I was the problem because he was so wonderful before, that it must be me.

However the thing was that all I ever mentioned to him was how I was in a difficult situation. My mother had reappeared in my life. (She physically abused me when I was younger.) and it was hard for me to sit alone on this with her constantly saying mean things to me. Anyhow something like depression shouldn't be thrown at your face. A good boyfriend will listen to you rant, (even if he isn't listening - he wont admit it), and he won't complain by say your putting him down. A relationship should be two people working together. If he won't stand side by side and help you through your issues. He doesn't sound like he cares very well.

The reason I didn't leave my boyfriend at first was because I didn't think I'd ever be able to find anyone else because of my (baggage) but after years I finally snagged a guy who sits at my side and helps me when I'm feeling down. He never says anything negative to me and is always ready to put things aside for me. TBH I don't think he is good for you. I know you don't want to hear it, but I think it's best that you put this aside. It hurts, I know - I remember the times where I sat calling him and wanting to return to his side, but looking back, I'm glad I decided to finally let it go and walk away.

 

[Epicfied]

This topic is old... so first, do you have an update on this?

The advice I would've given is just give him a bit of space. Let him work out his stress but be there for him still.
Things will fall back into place if they're meant to be.