Little Vixen
New Member
I'll try to keep this as short as possible!
When I first started dating my boyfriend, I explained to him the following: that I'm an incredibly insecure person, due to being in abusive relationships in the past - this means I'd get really upset if I found out he looks at other girls, watches porn, stuff like that. It's not so much that I get upset at him... It's just that I have serious self esteem issues, and will compare myself to other girls, which has driven me to suicide in the past. I explained that I understood if he didn't want to be in a relationship with me because of that. He said that he wasn't that kind of guy, so I don't have to worry. Whenever I get insecure that he's looking at other girls, he reassures me that he's not, and that he never does that.
We've been together for a year now - it's our "anniversary" thing on the 2nd of August. But since Christmas, he's been a bit mean. Whenever I get upset, he'll get angry at me and tell me that I have no reason to get upset (even though he knows I was raped by two older boys just before my 8th birthday and struggle with depression because of it). I also found out that he was talking to another girl (a girl who he knows I get particularly jealous of) whilst I was on holiday in March and he was flirting with her - he told her she had big boobs... but when I try to bring this up to him, he changes the story and says that it happened before we met. Also, when I look through my history after he's been at my house, he always looks at other girl's Facebook profiles and pictures (particularly the pictures of them in bikinis or with their boobs on show). He always looks at these two specific girls profiles every time, amongst others.
Of course I don't consider this cheating but I DO consider it highly immoral, when you take into account that he tricked me into believing that he doesn't do these things, which was the main reason I got into a relationship with him initially. And also because he knows that this stuff is murder to my self esteem (although when I had serious depression over it, he'd rant on at me for being "annoying" and told me I have "no reason to be upset" and was generally very patronising and mean) and knows that I've attempted suicide over self esteem issues in the past, and still occasionally self harm over it. Right now I just feel very upset, my self-esteem is at an all time low, I feel a little sick... I think what makes it even worse is that I'm virtually asexual and genuinely have eyes for no one else except him.
And today, I got upset because I had a bit of a flashback of my rape. I was lying on my bed, upset, and he started shouting at me for being upset. Eventually he stormed off home for "making him look like a prick in front of my family". Now, we're having a text argument regarding what happened earlier on. He's saying he can't handle my depression any more, and that he doesn't know how what he's supposed to do when I'm depressed.
I don't know what to do. It's so rocky... He loves me so much, and I know he does, but I'm his first girlfriend (he's 22) and I don't think he knows how to handle girls or a relationship. He's such a Mister Right, it's impossible to go a day without arguing with him. Does anyone have any advice for me? Thank you
When I first started dating my boyfriend, I explained to him the following: that I'm an incredibly insecure person, due to being in abusive relationships in the past - this means I'd get really upset if I found out he looks at other girls, watches porn, stuff like that. It's not so much that I get upset at him... It's just that I have serious self esteem issues, and will compare myself to other girls, which has driven me to suicide in the past. I explained that I understood if he didn't want to be in a relationship with me because of that. He said that he wasn't that kind of guy, so I don't have to worry. Whenever I get insecure that he's looking at other girls, he reassures me that he's not, and that he never does that.
We've been together for a year now - it's our "anniversary" thing on the 2nd of August. But since Christmas, he's been a bit mean. Whenever I get upset, he'll get angry at me and tell me that I have no reason to get upset (even though he knows I was raped by two older boys just before my 8th birthday and struggle with depression because of it). I also found out that he was talking to another girl (a girl who he knows I get particularly jealous of) whilst I was on holiday in March and he was flirting with her - he told her she had big boobs... but when I try to bring this up to him, he changes the story and says that it happened before we met. Also, when I look through my history after he's been at my house, he always looks at other girl's Facebook profiles and pictures (particularly the pictures of them in bikinis or with their boobs on show). He always looks at these two specific girls profiles every time, amongst others.
Of course I don't consider this cheating but I DO consider it highly immoral, when you take into account that he tricked me into believing that he doesn't do these things, which was the main reason I got into a relationship with him initially. And also because he knows that this stuff is murder to my self esteem (although when I had serious depression over it, he'd rant on at me for being "annoying" and told me I have "no reason to be upset" and was generally very patronising and mean) and knows that I've attempted suicide over self esteem issues in the past, and still occasionally self harm over it. Right now I just feel very upset, my self-esteem is at an all time low, I feel a little sick... I think what makes it even worse is that I'm virtually asexual and genuinely have eyes for no one else except him.
And today, I got upset because I had a bit of a flashback of my rape. I was lying on my bed, upset, and he started shouting at me for being upset. Eventually he stormed off home for "making him look like a prick in front of my family". Now, we're having a text argument regarding what happened earlier on. He's saying he can't handle my depression any more, and that he doesn't know how what he's supposed to do when I'm depressed.
I don't know what to do. It's so rocky... He loves me so much, and I know he does, but I'm his first girlfriend (he's 22) and I don't think he knows how to handle girls or a relationship. He's such a Mister Right, it's impossible to go a day without arguing with him. Does anyone have any advice for me? Thank you
