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The Silent Treatment

Quirky Jessi

Quirky Jessi

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Joined
Jan 15, 2012
Messages
367
How do you deal with the silent treatment? Do you try to 'crack' the person and get them to talk or do you give them space? Do you yourself give the silent treatment ever?
 
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Great question, Jessi. My beau has mastered the silent treatment and it annoys me to death as trying to crack him up doesn't work. Anyway, I've realized that what works for him best is to simply leave him alone and do my own thing. After a couple of hours, I get back to him and ask him if we can talk about the issue.

And yes, I do give him the silent treatment but it never works as it just gives him joy if I disregard something.
 
Aah, I know this one very well. When I was younger, it used to freak me out and I used to try and penetrate the wall. Now, I just walk away and leave them to drown in their own silence. I do not have time for power-games. When you stop feeding them, they stop...in fact, they often come crawling back.
 
digitalbrew said:
After a couple of hours, I get back to him and ask him if we can talk about the issue.
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Is he able and willing to talk at that point?

I ask because I know this works for a lot of people. I was with an ex who insisted on being given time like that and would definitely calm down, etc.... but then because the issue had already passed for him, he wouldn't want to talk about it. :(
 
I am the master of the silent treatment. When I'm upset I don't want to talk. I don't want to talk until I calm down and it could take a couple of days. I have never had an ex give me the silent treatment. It wouldn't really work on me anyway. I would be fine with it. I have no idea why I'm like this.
 
Quirky Jessi said:
Is he able and willing to talk at that point?

I ask because I know this works for a lot of people. I was with an ex who insisted on being given time like that and would definitely calm down, etc.... but then because the issue had already passed for him, he wouldn't want to talk about it. :(
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There are still instances that we no longer want to talk about it but I always remind him that if we do not talk about it, it becomes a skeleton in our closet. So it's always more practical and advantageous if we talk about it now rather than wait for us to forget about its details and fight about it later.

I think it's a matter of conditioning him to talk about it because at first they will be stubborn. But you also have to be firm and insist subtly. Being explosively will just make them go back to the defensive position.
 
I never use the silent treatment. It's just not a solution. My boyfriend and I, we talk a lot. We talk all the time. I simply can't imagine silence between us. It would be awful:cry:
 
I don't give the silent treatment and when I get the silent treatment it is just really annoying to me. I try to crack my partner but it never works. He doesn't give me the silent too often, but when he does it bugs me. I think it is best just to talk about the problem that you have. You can accomplish a lot more talking things through.
 
When my husband gives me the silent treatment, it used to annoy me to no end and I would try to break his silence but he's quite stubborn. Now I've learned to just give him some space and time to calm down and let him break the silence.

I sometimes give him the silent treatment and I'm quite stubborn; even more so. It's usually the case that he will break my silence and I'm such a forgiving person that I will talk to him again. I don't bear grudges. If he's flying the white flag of surrender, I will gladly accept it.
 
I think the silent treatment is bordering on abusive. I've never done that to anyone in my life and I don't think my boyfriend has ever done that to me. At most, if he's very upset or frustrated about something he may ask for a few minutes alone to collect himself, but he clearly communicates that to me. I wouldn't tolerate someone flat out ignoring me. It's rude and immature.
 
M y dad was the first man in my life to give me a taste of the so called silent treatment. At first I tried to get him to talk to him, I tried to be a good daughter and even humiliated myself to him, but I just got tired of him yelling at me over nothing and treating me like crap, for then playing mad at me and not talking to me. He is the only man who has done this to me so far.

My SO doesn't do that, if he did I'd try to talk with him and tell him the silent treatment is a really childish thing to do! Because it really is... people can always talk about their problems, in a relationship communication is very important!
 
There are still instances that we no longer want to talk about it but I always remind him that if we do not talk about it, it becomes a skeleton in our closet. So it's always more practical and advantageous if we talk about it now rather than wait for us to forget about its details and fight about it later.

I think it's a matter of conditioning him to talk about it because at first they will be stubborn. But you also have to be firm and insist subtly. Being explosively will just make them go back to the defensive position.
 
I usually just give him some space. He's not playing head games; he just needs some time, so I give it to him. Then we talk about whatever the problem is. I do silent treatments sometimes, but usually it's because I don't want to say something I will regret later, so I just shut up.
 
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When I am given the silent treatment I usually freak. I don't once think of asking him what's wrong do you wanna talk. Nope. I freak and start thinking that I did something wrong to cause this. It takes a few experiences of this happening and it not being my fault before I will approach it differently. Once I have reached this stage I usually give them some space before I start hounding them about it.
 
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