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Single Parent Trying To Date

Nautica

New Member
Joined
Feb 2, 2007
Messages
883
Location
Cazadero, Ca
I am the single Mom of a 10 year old girl. I have recently started seeing someone. I had quit dating 3 years ago, so now that there may be a man in my life, my formerly sweet and polite daughter has turned into a rude and morose monster when my new Friend is around. I've tried talking to my daughter about this, but she is one of those that WILL. NOT. TALK!!! She will just cry like she's been beaten...

We have taken her to the beach a couple of times, and we have hung around here quite a bit!! She wont talk to him. The best I got her to do was wave at him a couple of times as she walked by to go to her room...

Thank goodness this guy has raised 2 kids of his own, and can deal with her being like this!!! He and I have also talked about it, and I said that I can't really bring myself to fight this big fight with her not knowing where he and I are going with this. It's only been a month, who knows if he's going to be around, right? Oh, BTW, I have known this guy for 10 years, so it's not like I'm bringing a stranger up in here, LOL!!

But I can't let her be rude to people either, and because this guy is interested in me, she thinks he's the devil. She is very possessive of me, even though she is at the age where she doesn't really want to hang out with me.

I don't know what to do, nor do I know the proper way to deal with this!!! Any advice, before I let her win and give up dating all together??
 
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I don't know
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What I do know is that if you do let her win this, you can give up on dating for a very long time.

I'd guess that what you need to do is work out why she feels the way she does and reassure her. The not talking thing from her side isn't going to help that. The important thing to remember is that you have a right to be happy too, and that she's not your boss. You're the adult here, remember.

* Sends Tiggs-shaped hugs*
 
I definitely don't think you should just let her win. It's a big adjustment but if he is a nice person she'll come around. I'm curious as to what the situation is with her father. Is he in the picture at all? Is he married? If so, how does she cope? Is it possible that she feels you're replacing her father?

I think that you should try to get her to talk about why she's being so difficult with him. Have you tried explaining to her that he makes you happy and that you like him? And if she can't talk, maybe she could write you a letter to express her feelings?

Just keep yourself open and don't push. Let her know she can come to you anytime. Just make her feel like she's being heard. I did the stepfather thing and believe me, it was not easy.

Things will definitely work out for you. Just don't give up!
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That's great that you mentioned the replacing her father thing, because I talked to her about that. AND the fact that if she harbors any hope that he and I will ever be together again, well, to quit it.

And this is kind of a little update, I get the distinct feeling that he's planning on sticking around and getting to know us...so I will continue to talk to her about it, but then I have to let it go. What I really want to do is let her know that whether she likes him or not right now, (she will, believe me! He wants to take her snow boarding and stuff) it is not OK to be rude. Say hello, and don't say it in the same tone that someone would say F you, either!! Then, if I shut up, she will come around.

I've told her that I like him, he makes me laugh, and he seems to really like me too, and my hanging out wuth him has no effect on her and my relationship, and all of that. I have also told her that I do not have ESP, and if she doesn't talk to me, I don't know what's wrong...

Soooo, he seems to be willing to be patient, so I will too. As long as there's no rudeness on her part, like I said, it should be OK...if not, he's not the one, and I don't worry about it, LOL!!!
 
He sounds like a very nice man! I admire him for wanting to get to know her better.
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I do hope things work out and your daughter comes around. I hope you'll keep us in the loop!
 
Seems to be good...he hasn't been here much while she's here, which is good too. But she had a 4 day weekend and went to her father's, and my guy was here all weekend. It was great. I had to work every night, but it sure was great to have someone here when I got home! I'm not gonna let myself get used to that though!! He went home yesterday, and I am still in my jammies, unshowered, and very happy about it!! LOL!! Can't do that with a guy here, not a new one anyway!! LOL!!
 
LOL!

But that's a great feeling - having someone to love you and to come home to..hope it lasts a long, long, long time!!
 
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Thank you! We'll see what happens, I'll keep ya posted!
And as for my daughter, she doesn't frown when I mention his name any more, but I don't think she's seen him in over 2 weeks. So she can adjust to it a little, know what I mean?
 
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