Revenge : Is it always sweet?

[UmiNoor]

Let's say your partner or your spouse doesn't allow you to buy a kitchen gadget or something that you really like but then he went and bought himself a new smartphone, how would you feel and what would you do? Would you take your revenge and buy yourself the gadget that you wanted using his credit card? Would you feel guilty about doing that?

 

[digitalbrew]

I guess I'm lucky to have a partner that understands my needs.

It's just funny because I've heard this kind of thing with my sister. She bought me a tablet and her husband got mad at her because she was spending her salary on me. My sister justified that she had not given me any present for more than 5 years which is why that is what she bought me and told him to get himself something rather than bicker in front of her. He bought some power tool with his credit card.

This said, I don't think revenge is sweet. If my partner decided to buy something for himself, no matter how useless it was, I'd be fine with it as long as he prioritizes our financial responsibilities when the bills come.

 

[Chavaun Jones]

I learned a long time ago that in order for two people to really be able to coexist, there has to be a level of understanding. And it
doesn't hurt if you aren't completely financially dependent on your partner. Now that doesn't mean you can't be somewhat dependent,
but it doesn't hurt to have your own stash. If you're both adults, why should you have to ask permission to buy something? Particularly
if it's an item that isn't necessarily for you but the household or to make your role in the household a tad bit easier? If I want to buy
one of those cool little vacuum thingies for freezing meat and other foods and I'm told we can't afford and he turns around and buys a
damn smartphone, I'm liable to either take my OWN money and buy, or break his phone. But I'm a little too westernized. I was raised
by a single mom who worked while going to school and to be able to care for me. She instilled all the 'women are powerful, hear us roar'
mottos in me early, so this situation is not one in which I could operate appropiately, so please Umi...don't break his phone But I
would approach him and attempt to talk to him and let him know that his actions were hurtful and undermined you're position
as his partner and were inconsiderate.

 

[SarahLizzie]

This is an issue my partner and I do not have. If we need something for the kitchen, or I want a new appliance, and we cannot afford it, then we wait until we have the money. My boyfriend would not tell me I could not purchase something and then turn around and purchase something like a new smartphone. We have a better understanding and respect for one another.

If my boyfriend were to ever do something this inconsiderate, then I would definitely take his credit card or bank card and purchase what I wanted to purchase. I would feel no guilt, instead I would show it to him as soon as I got home. He could not get angry because he got what he wanted and I got what I wanted. Or that is how I would approach it. But I also make sure my point is being heard loud and clear.

 

[Ayane]

I don't know about getting revenge. It seems kind of like a bitter move that will cause problems in the relationship in my opinion. It's a circular negativity chain that only proves their might be some communication issues in the relationship... It's better to sit down and talk about how it feels unfair then playing the vicious type and only stooping yourself down a level. I would never take my boyfriend's credit card. It's his money. I mean, how would you feel if your boyfriend took revenge on you and used your money to buy something? Wouldn't feel so great then - would it?

 

[claudine]

I'm a very lucky girl and my wonderful boyfriend likes spoiling me But if he wasn't as sweet as he usually is and if he didn't allow me to buy something I want, instead of looking for revenge, I would try to talk to him, I wouldn't steal his money.

 

[dconklin]

Fortunately if I need anything for the house, as long as we have the money I get it. I don't mean that I get anything I want, but if it helps me around the house or if it is something I need I am good. Unfortunately our problem is that I get something I need and he won't tell me something he needs and sometimes that comes out later (well I needed this but instead we got you that.)

I wouldn't get revenge, I would just talk to him and let him know how you feel and see if you can come to a mutual agreement on things. Let him know that it hurt you that he did that and see about him agreeing to getting you what you need next.