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Guy Fawkes - the only man to enter parliament with honest intentions

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What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.

Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.

Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?
They all have phones.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
 
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