Princess Pyro
New Member
> This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas.
>
>
> They hired him because he was so funny.....
>
>
>
> NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)
>
> SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
> will cooperate)
>
> DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available . If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place
>
> DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
>
> EDUCATION: Yes.
>
> LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
>
> PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
>
> MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
>
> REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
>
> HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
>
> PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
>
> DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment .
>
> MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
>
> DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
> TO 50 lbs.?
f what?
>
> DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
>
> HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
>
> DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
> On my breaks - yes!
>
> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
>
> NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles
>
> DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
> KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
>
>
> They hired him because he was so funny.....
>
>
>
> NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)
>
> SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
> will cooperate)
>
> DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available . If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place
>
> DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
>
> EDUCATION: Yes.
>
> LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
>
> PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
>
> MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
>
> REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
>
> HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
>
> PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
>
> DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment .
>
> MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
>
> DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
> TO 50 lbs.?
f what?>
> DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
>
> HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
>
> DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
> On my breaks - yes!
>
> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
>
> NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles
>
> DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
> KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
