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My most depressing day

Discussion in 'Come in and have a moan!!' started by Potholer, Nov 2, 2004.

  1. Potholer

    Potholer Active Member

    Ok, I'm not usually an angsty teen. My general philosophy is to stay happy because if you are, it makes others happy. You know that feeling when you see others smiling and it makes you want to smile? And also, I never know when to take things seriously. Like, to you, something could be the end of the world but when I see girls on the train going on about some scandel of how Johnny kissed Sally who is actaully going out with Billy and oh my gosh, this is horrible, and I think how superficial it is. Maybe my problem is like that? it's not that important but it sure feels that way.

    I have this friend. We met in when we were 13 (now 16) and for the first 2 years we were close. It was ALWAYS "Hey Annie and Jen!" Never one without the other. I've still got friends now saying there's not one without the other. But last year we started to drift. I think with anyone else I wouldn't mind but with her it tears me up inside because we were so close. I never thought she was as horribly sad about it as I. I just found out about 2 weeks ago. So we resolved to talk more and do more things together and make an effort with the friendship and I cannot express the optimism and happiness I felt after our talk.

    When we were still close I always thought of her as mine and I was hers. You know with best friends and its unquestionable who you'd choose to go with on an outing or see a movie with or go to the theatre. But even after we talked I still felt I had to change my thinking. I couldn't think of her as mine because it just makes me hurt even more when I see her and think she puts them in front of me in order of preference. And I said I had to loosen my hold on her, not let go, just loosen up because it's jsut to painful otherwise.

    Then she wrote me a poem and gave it to me today saying What the hell she was supposed to do if I was just giving up. And going on about what a stupid thing and fine whatever if thats how I feel go ahead.

    I don't swear but I sure as hell feel like it now. I can't believe things have just got so screwed up and I've dug myself into a hole and I can't get out. I miss her and I miss us and I miss taking it for granted that if I ever have a spare seat to fill at a movie, she'll be there to fill it.

    This hurts more than I can express and smilies crying just don't cut it.
     
  2. Snowbaby

    Snowbaby Active Member

    Oh potty, first of all, have a hug :console: :hug:

    Secondly, I'm not sure I quite understand the last bit.....

    Is it that u want to let go a little and she feels u have given up? If so, talk to her and tell her u wanted to give her some space but it wasnt really what u wanted to do. Explain that u miss ur girlie times, outings, giggles, talks, etc.

    Talking to her is the only real advice I can give u. Maybe someone else has some suggestions?

    Please let us know how u get on Potty :)

    Snowy xxxxxxx
     
  3. thistle

    thistle New Member

    Poor Potty

    I agreee with snowy, try talking to her again. But remember that just cos you aint as close as you used to be doesn't mean that you are NOT friends anymore.


    :(
     
  4. Potholer

    Potholer Active Member

    Thanks Snowy and T :)

    The reason I decided to loosen my grip on her was that I kept getting the impression she didn't care about me as much as I cared about her. If I thought she was mine, it hurt because it seemed obvious that she wasn't.

    Well we had a good talk today. Gosh though, she walked in in the morning and I felt like crying. In fact, the whole day I was hurting and I don't think I hid it at all. I can't say I was calm when I noticed she wasn't wearing the ring I gave her. A few of my friends are worried. I think they basicly think that, seeing as I'm happy all the time, if I'm crying, then something is very very very wrong. And I did cry at lunch to a friend. She helped, suggesting things and stuff.

    So Annie and I talked. Things are better. She found it beyond crazy that I could think she cared about others more than me. We got a lot of misunderstandings out of the way. She doesn't find it easy talking. A lot of the time was spent in silence, rolling over what to say and how to say it. And it turns out she wasn't wearing the ring because she had to take it off for soccer. That was an immense relief.

    *sigh*

    I'm not second guessing how much she cares for me and she knows how much I care about her and thats the main thing.
     
  5. Snowbaby

    Snowbaby Active Member

    Awww Potty, I'm so pleased u both had a fab chat :) I'm glad u worked things out and came to an understanding! Now i think u should both go to the movies and eat lots of ice cream and paint ur toe nails..... such a girlie night huh???

    :tu:
     
  6. Potholer

    Potholer Active Member

    Haha, yeah. Wow, something thats been giving me hell for more than a year and a half is just about fixed in 3 days. Mind boggling aint it?

    I was emotionally burnt out yesterday. Really, I couldn't cry after talking her but I couldn't bring myself to feel happy. Weights were on the corners of my mouth. I was actually a bit worried I'd lost my empathy because not only did I have no emotions of my own but that warm feeling I usually feel around others was just null. And all this morning I felt sick. The only reason I ate any breakfast was because I know it's not healthy to skip it and it left me with a horribly upset stomach until late morning when I had a sugared ginger cube which helps settle your stomach.

    But I'm all better now. Back to missing Annie instead of being relieved shes not around so I don't have to hurt seeing shes having fun without me. Haha, I'm so angsty.

    But, with the typical moodswings, I can laugh and smile and I just feel lighter, like I usually am. Thanks to ye both, starting this thread really helped me vent though that talk was the only thing that could have helped me at that point.

    Thanks! :wub:
     
  7. Snowbaby

    Snowbaby Active Member

    I'm so glad for u. It's about time we have our Potty back to her normal self :D

    And u know u can always talk to us ok? :tu:
     
  8. Potholer

    Potholer Active Member

    Always, Snowy, right back at you :).

    Talking is so underrated, why don't we all do it? :unsure: (<--- that can be a rhetorical question if you so desire, hehe)

    :)

    Potholer
     
  9. Snowbaby

    Snowbaby Active Member

    Like British Telecom telephone company says "It's good to talk" :lol: :tu: :hug:
     

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