Ok, I'm not usually an angsty teen. My general philosophy is to stay happy because if you are, it makes others happy. You know that feeling when you see others smiling and it makes you want to smile? And also, I never know when to take things seriously. Like, to you, something could be the end of the world but when I see girls on the train going on about some scandel of how Johnny kissed Sally who is actaully going out with Billy and oh my gosh, this is horrible, and I think how superficial it is. Maybe my problem is like that? it's not that important but it sure feels that way. I have this friend. We met in when we were 13 (now 16) and for the first 2 years we were close. It was ALWAYS "Hey Annie and Jen!" Never one without the other. I've still got friends now saying there's not one without the other. But last year we started to drift. I think with anyone else I wouldn't mind but with her it tears me up inside because we were so close. I never thought she was as horribly sad about it as I. I just found out about 2 weeks ago. So we resolved to talk more and do more things together and make an effort with the friendship and I cannot express the optimism and happiness I felt after our talk. When we were still close I always thought of her as mine and I was hers. You know with best friends and its unquestionable who you'd choose to go with on an outing or see a movie with or go to the theatre. But even after we talked I still felt I had to change my thinking. I couldn't think of her as mine because it just makes me hurt even more when I see her and think she puts them in front of me in order of preference. And I said I had to loosen my hold on her, not let go, just loosen up because it's jsut to painful otherwise. Then she wrote me a poem and gave it to me today saying What the hell she was supposed to do if I was just giving up. And going on about what a stupid thing and fine whatever if thats how I feel go ahead. I don't swear but I sure as hell feel like it now. I can't believe things have just got so screwed up and I've dug myself into a hole and I can't get out. I miss her and I miss us and I miss taking it for granted that if I ever have a spare seat to fill at a movie, she'll be there to fill it. This hurts more than I can express and smilies crying just don't cut it.