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Keeping in touch with an ex

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Gabriellea, May 22, 2015.

  1. Gabriellea

    Gabriellea Active Member

    I have several exes on my Facebook, but they are the ones that have stayed friends and are on good terms. One did flip out and defriend me when I didn't reply to him immediately, but he still tries to email me.

    The idea of keeping in touch is to respect boundaries and the friendship that you had and with some, it was more a case of bad timing rather than anything else. Some may keep tabs on an ex or want to get back together and that's not healthy.

    Does anyone else keep in touch with an ex and do you tell anyone else that you do?
     
  2. Zynni

    Zynni Member

    I was in touch with an ex via Facebook, but I started feeling stalked. I could never just log on and see what's going on. There he'd be or I'd have a message. The messages would note everything I'd done on there. It was just too much. I was willing to be friends at first, but dang dude, leave me alone.
     
  3. Gabriellea

    Gabriellea Active Member

    That sounds like one of mine who is trapped with a baby with his ex. I can see he is not happy, but that's not my fault he hasn't the guts to do anything about it. I did feel pressure to respond, but he as a lawyer would only communicate when he was free and expected me to work around him, and the same happened on Facebook.

    I have spotted some exes on Facebook who I hope never contact me. I don't use my full name on my profile so hopefully they won't find me anyhow.
     
  4. Zynni

    Zynni Member

    Yeah, I don't want someone following my every move. I do have my full name, including my maiden name, so that old friends can find me. I live 1000 miles away from where I grew up, and I wanted old friends to be able to get in touch. I was rethinking that in a hurry. I finally did tell him to back off some or stop contacting me altogether. I don't know if it worked, since I really just don't log on there much since then.
     
  5. GoSenseless

    GoSenseless Member

    I don't have exes. I had meaningless things, and one of them was a friend/travel comrade/fellow student, and I have him on Facebook still because we had sex that one time and even if it meant a lot to me back then, this is not what most of our relationship was about. We were never true friends, sure, and the having sex and then me being pissed at him did change the waters, but not to a point that it would warrant unfriending him or pretending I've never known him.

    We just don't talk much and now, since we are also not in the same circles and have a partner each on our side, we barely even know the other exist. Sometimes I'll like or comment something he posts, sometimes he'll like or comment something I post.

    I'm not sure how I'd handle it if I broke up with my current boyfriend, though. It seems crazy to cut him out of my life completely just because we're not partners anymore, but it'd probably complicate things a lot to "stay friends".
     
  6. SassyPrincess

    SassyPrincess Member

    I still keep in touch with my first ex, but the guy that I broke up with a few months ago and I don't ever message each other anymore, though we're still "friends" on Facebook. I really want to talk to him, but I feel like he still hates me because I broke his heart. Sometimes I feel so guilty. Like right now :cry:.
     
  7. Jenny Lindo

    Jenny Lindo New Member

    Keeping in touch with an ex can be either good or bad depending on the maturity of both you and the ex. Things can be pretty normal between you if you keep it on a strict friendship level, but on the other hand the relationship can go sour if either or both of you start to stray. Sometimes it is possible to have an ex as a genuine friend but if it was a devastating or heart wrenching breakup this may never happen.

    I don't keep in touch with my ex anymore. At first it was okay but then things started getting weird. We were still friends on Facebook after the breakup and we checked in with each other every now and then. One day, about 4 years after the breakup he messaged me. At first he started bringing up old memories of things we used to do then he said that he has been thinking about me lately and he wants a second chance. I was shocked out of my mind because he was in a relationship at the time and so was I and he knew how happy and in love I was. This just showed me even more what a bad guy he is. After giving him a piece of my mind I unfriended him.

    Sometimes it is not always a good idea to be friends with your ex because it is highly possible that some memory of the past may come up and bring back old feelings whether feelings of love, hate, etc. Some people end up getting back together and then breaking up for the same thing or something worse. While others are driven even further apart by what caused them to breakup at first. What ever you choose though is all up to you both but if you choose to be friends always keep it on that level and try to keep memories of the past at bay.
     
  8. Gabriellea

    Gabriellea Active Member

    I have a friend who still hasn't gotten over her ex and it's so sad to see her ranting and bad mouthing him on Facebook. He may deserve it, but I wish she would show some dignity and not air it in public. I advised her to clear everything from the house he ever had, and just cut all ties. I know it takes time but some exes are not worth keeping in touch with.
     
  9. Zynni

    Zynni Member

    Most of my "exes" are from a very long time ago, and in most cases, we stayed friends. I'm fine with staying in touch with them. It's just the one who for some reason felt the need to watch my every move that was getting on my nerves. It's all but turned me off to Facebook. I wasn't a big fan before that, but after... yeah. I still hardly log on.
     

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