I want to have a baby..

Hey everyone! I'm new on here. I'm a girl from Sweden so my english might not be very good.
As the title says; I want to have a baby. I am 18 years old and I am feeling soooo ready to be a mom. In January last year I went through an abortion. The father of the fetus was an ass and I didn't see a future with him, so it was the right thing to do. But with my current boyfriend (who I also are engaged to) I really can. He says he want's to have kids within five years, BUT not now either. And i don't know if I can wait much longer! He also says that IF I get pregnant now, we are going to keep the baby. I want to wait until I have graduated high school at the same time as I want a baby right now. Is there anyone out there who feels the same as I do?

I don't really know what I'm saying, I am just so confused and..stressed (?) about this.
We are looking for an apartment right now, so we can start living on our own. This fall I'm gonna be a senior, I will graduate next spring. When I have graduated hairdressing high school I can start working right away, so I don't think money will be a problem.

I just want to talk to someone about this. I don't want to talk to my mum about this, and I think my friends are a little tired of my nagging about this too.. haha ^^

Sorry for a loooong message, and I'm sorry if you guys don't understand my english, AND also if this message was incoherent.

/ Malin

I am sorry about what happened to you previously. My advice is you need to set a plan with your boyfriend or fiancee. There are really an instance that we want to have a baby. But since, you are still studying just focus with your study for a while and maybe you and your bf will established a stable living. Honestly, I am against abortion. I am not judging you but the fetus or the baby has nothing to do of what the adult did and they have the right to live. So, to avoid same incident again it is very important that you talk that problem or that desire with your bf deeply. It is very important to consider your current situation as well, like you are still studying and planning to move to apartment.

I guess there are better words for you after my post. God bless and take care.

I know exactly how you feel, I'm really ready to settle down and have a family - I know my boyfriend worries about commitment and moving too fast, so I just have to wait. It's really hard because It's what I've wanted my whole life - a little family.
If your fiancee wants to delay it - at least he wants a baby with you! So be happy that it'll happen. In the meantime why not save up so you can afford a baby, or start buying stuff for it and saving it, because then you'd be prepared.

You know, when I was 18 I was living with my boyfriend (now my husband) and felt so ready to be a mum. Just like you've described. I really wanted to have a baby.

Fortunately for me, it didn't happen. I had my first daughter when I was 24, after I have graduated from university and had a profession and a job, and even that was too early. And I am so thankful for not having a baby at age 18!
Babies are not just the cuddly cheeks you can kiss and sing to. It's not even the waking up at night and feeding and taking care of them. Babies grow up, and become children, and adults, and you are responsible for them. For your entire life you're going to wear your heart out, caring and worrying for somebody else.

I love my kids to death, but I would give a lot of a few minutes of my childless tranquility.

Wait until you're at least a high graduate and married. You're still really young. Aren't there still things you want to do before becoming a mother? Raising kids is a big responsibility. Your current lifestyle could be flipped upside down. You won't have time to do all the fun stuff that often anymore. You'll be devoting at least the next 18 years to being a mom. As speedy has mentioned, jumping in too quickly may result in you repeating the same mistake with abortions. I'm pro-choice and agree with your decision to abort. But too many abortions will render you infertile or increase the risk of birth defects. Make sure he's the right one before trying again.

to Speedy: Thanks for your reply! I don't really agree with you on the abortion-part. I want my baby to have a father who cares about me and the baby, a father who isn't cheating, drinking with his friends every free time he'll get. taking care of us and make sure that we're gonna have a good life and so on.. He is and will be for the rest of his life... an ass. So I think it was the right thing to do, And I don't judge you for being against abortion, we just have different opinions

to bethanyparker: aw, just hang in there! Your day with engagement and everything will come I know what you mean, having a little family of my own has always been my dream. BUT I wanted to wait until I found the right guy for me, and that is what I did, last spring. I know a lot of people who says "you will destroy your life if you have a baby at young age! Live life blabla...party and travel blabla" To be honest, I don't think living the life has to be traveling and partying, to me it is settle down and start a family

ShiraGin: average in Sweden for having children is around 23-28 years I think. My mum had me when she was 25 But I guess that's very individual. Thank you for your answer! I'm sorry for not writing replying with a looong text, I am sooooo tired... My back hurts and yesterday I woke up with the worst nausea ever, so I haven't got much sleep.

apple: I am sooo sure he is the right one for me He is the man of my dreams ^^
I don't know what I want to do before having a baby.. I don't really like partying and all that stuff you do when you are 18 and can go to clubs.. It feels like I have done all that stuff already. So i dont know..
I'm not gonna TRY to get pregnant right now, I don't want to (like you said) rush into things on purpose. But IF it happens I am not going through an abortion one more time, that's for sure. Thank you for your reply! )

Question: Is it "tabu" having a baby when you're not married in England/USA wherever you guys are from?

You should wait. 18 is really young and yes you may feel you are ready but you both have to be ready to be good parents.

I'm glad to hear you're not trying to have a kid right now. I was going to suggest traveling as something you might want to do but I see you've already considered it. It's kind of taboo to have a kid out of wedlock in countries whose dominant religion opposes it. I'm an atheist/agnostic but I do believe a good marriage is the foundation of a happy family. Parents cannot take good care of their kids unless they themselves are happy and feel loved. A common law relationship works about as well too but a marriage offers more security for stay at home parents. Plus, your kids won't have the stigma of being literally bastards (sorry for the harsh language ) if you live in a prejudice or backwards part of the country.

To answer your question regarding whether or not it's tabu in the U.S. to have a child while not being married, that really depends on the person. In certain religious circles here in the U.S. it is definitely tabu to have a child out of wedlock, in other circles however, it's quite common. I myself have a son with someone I wasn't married to and I'm also no longer with.

I would strongly suggest waiting to have a child, especially if your boyfriend/fiance has already stated that he doesn't want a child right now. Even if he tells you that you'll keep the baby if you do get pregnant, it's clearly not his first choice and you should respect that, especially since it makes things so much easier and less stressful if both parents are ready and willing to have a child. And not to sound harsh, but since you've mentioned that you had an abortion last year with another guy, it seems that you've been with your current boyfriend for less than a year now and while you may think he's the man of your dreams, you should definitely take the time to get to know each other better, and by moving in together that's a great way to do that.

Also, you may think that once you graduate high school and get a job you'll be financially stable enough to have a child but babies are quite a bit more expensive than most people think, especially when you factor in daycare costs later on when you decide to return to your previous job. Bottom line is, you're young and still have plenty of time left on the old biological clock so I would wait until you're fully established in a place of your own and you both decide together to have a child.

I think 18 is very young to have a baby, not saying you are not ready but most are not ready. You still have plenty of years ahead of you to think about kids and it should be a decision you and your bf make together so you will both be happy. I don't know about your country but here in US there are many teenage pregnancies and those girls are always saying how much they regret not waiting. A lot of those 'fathers' end up as dead beat dads and the girls have to raise child alone while going to school and working. I hope your bf is not like those losers and I hope that you guys take the time to think, after all it's not just your lives that will be affected but also the babies.

Also if you are going to work while you take care of your child it will be very stressful and not as easy as you may think. Every single thing you do in your life right now will be different after you have that baby.

When I was 18, I was out having the time of my life with my friends. I think that you might not know exactly what you want right now. Keep in mind that this baby is another human being that will be brought to this earth. Have you finished school? Are you financially stable? It takes more than money to raise a child. I thought about doing the same thing back when I was 18, but I am glad I didn't. Now that I have a child, I miss the days where I lived my life with little care in the world. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother, but I also miss the my youth. Just think about this thoroughly before making any rash decisions.

18 years of age is still young. You can do a lot more things than thinking to have a baby. I think, your not yet prepared to be a mom.. Your still young, so enjoy yourself.
And when you came to that point (preparing to have a baby). It is easier for you, because you're prepared and matured enough to handle the situation.

Your lucky that it is a not a problem for you to have a baby. Some would need to undergo different kinds of treatment just to have one.

Here's the proof: Canadian Radio Win a baby contest offers $35,000 prize