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Depression + Attempt

Ayane

Member
Joined
Dec 18, 2011
Messages
109
Last night I had some sort of a huge overwhelming panic-attack. I've always had a great deal of social anxiety and further more the smell of alcohol alone has left a trigger.

I told my boyfriend this and he ended up telling me we were going to the movies with friends I knew. He ended up bringing over 3 people - 2 I never met and one who I dislike because he sleeps around a lot even with a gf.

Anyways they had tons of wine and beer. I didn't know cause I was getting dressed but when I walked down stairs. The aroma - the slurred voices - the laughing. I started shaking really bad and went upstairs. I stayed upstairs the rest of the night in a closet because they were so loud I could hear them.

My boyfriend and his friends making fun of my rudeness for not coming down but all I could see was my mother towering over me at that moment. I tried to strangle myself when I realized my phone was downstairs. I had no one to call and couldn't leave without going through them.

I remembered that my cousin is due to visit tomorrow from out of town and stopped. I cried myself to sleep. Has nightmares of my boyfrirnd cheating on me all night. Woke up feeling like shit. Feel stupid and weak. Feel betrayed and want to crawl in a hole and die.

Don't know how to react without my cousin seeing through me. Wishing that my poker face works out.
 
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This is a tough scenario and your boyfriend should respect how you feel and take it seriously. It sounds as if you need some time to yourself.

It's hard with social pressures, but you should try to find someone you can talk to or on line. Here is a website you could try if there is no one nearby.

http://www.7cupsoftea.com/

Don't ever feel bad about how you react; we all have some issues we have to face and we all need some help and support.
 
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