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Boyfriend Doesn't Trust Me

sillylucy

sillylucy

Member
Joined
Jan 24, 2012
Messages
129
I met someone online and we have been talking for about three months now. He has already told me that he loves me and we are planning on seeing each other next month. Things are great for the most part until last night I asked him for his address so I could send him a Christmas card. Well, he was hesitant and I called him out on it. I think he doesn't trust me.
 
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You called him out on it. So what was his response? Did he give a reason? If you guys are planning to get together next month, where are you doing it....your city or his? It kind of sounds fishy, but then again, maybe he's just nervous about you knowing where he lives.
 
My first thought is that he is hiding something. Maybe Jessi is right that he's nervous about you knowing where he lives. Either way, good luck to you.
 
Two things:

He may he hiding something.

Or he may be nervous that you're hiding something.

It sounds to me that he could be psyching himself out a bit now that it's getting close to the time you two are supposed to meet. Having met a few different boyfriends online in the past (including my current partner of 3 years) I know just how nervewracking it is and how much you doubt that anything that seems so good could possibly be real. When I was driving to meet my current partner for the first time I had to pull over multiple times because I was having panic attacks and dry heaving, lol.

Have you gotten on webcam with each other so you can see the other is real? Without knowing the exact nature of your relationship it's difficult to figure out exactly what's going on. You should probably talk to him about it.
 
I'm also curious if you guys have seen each other personally through the web.

I'd perfectly understand if he's feeling doubtful. A friend of mine who I have chatted with since August wouldn't give me his address either. Instead, he sent me an email address for me to send him my Christmas card. Yet he doesn't mind sending me pictures of his neighborhood or of him and his dog. This is also the type of guy who updates his profile picture often. And I also know his complete name because he updates me with business ventures.

Just give it some time to sink in. Maybe he's had bad experiences with female stalkers reason why he's hesitant. But perhaps you should consider what Jesserotica said about the webcam.
 
Primarily, I want to stress how unsafe it could be to meet someone online. But, since you've been talking to this guy for 3 months, I'd like to assume that we're past the need to tell you that :p I agree with what everyone else is saying - about it being fishy and looking weird, but I'd like to add a point. Maybe he's hesitant to give you his address until you actually see each other next month. It could be possible that he's worried or fears meeting you in case you turn out to be someone he wasn't expecting. It's very possible that he's also afraid of who you are or what you're about. It's complicated to trust people that you meet online, and I don't blame him for being hesitant about giving out his address to someone that he hasn't met in person yet.
 
It doesn't seem that he is hiding his address because he doesn't trust you. In fact, he may be hiding it because he is trying to hide something from you. I don't know but something doesn't sound right to me. When you do meet him, I would do it in a public place. Even if you do trust him, it is important that you don't meet someone in a secluded place for the first time. I'm sure once you meet and get together things will go great! Good luck!
 
Putting myself in his shoes, I would also hesitate to give my address at this point in time...even with nothing to hide. Perhaps keep everything on neutral ground until you have physically met each other. Trust will grow over time...
 
Why do people think that it's dangerous to meet someone from online? Of course a person could be dangerous, but you could also meet a good-looking guy at a coffee shop who could take you out on a date, drive you out into the country and rape and murder you. The only thing you can't see online is how they look. And looks are no indicator of how dangerous a person may be. So why the fear about online? The fact is you can't trust pretty much anyone you meet, no matter how you meet them, at least not until you've been around them a while.

And even women who've fallen in love and married guys they thought were good have later gotten murdered by them. You never know!
 
Jesserotica said:
Why do people think that it's dangerous to meet someone from online? Of course a person could be dangerous, but you could also meet a good-looking guy at a coffee shop who could take you out on a date, drive you out into the country and rape and murder you. The only thing you can't see online is how they look. And looks are no indicator of how dangerous a person may be. So why the fear about online? The fact is you can't trust pretty much anyone you meet, no matter how you meet them, at least not until you've been around them a while.

And even women who've fallen in love and married guys they thought were good have later gotten murdered by them. You never know!
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I agree with what you're saying, but meeting someone online seems a little more dangerous to me. Would you get into a car with someone you just met? Would you trust them enough to drive you somewhere or to go anywhere that isn't public? I would not. Now, the difference with a person online is that you can talk to them a longer period of time and feel like you know them and then meet them where they request, because, well, you know them right? Wrong. It's always dangerous but I find it more dangerous when you meet someone online. And I also agree with the fact that you never really know who people are, but that's not the same as talking to a stranger, feeling like you know them, and then being attacked when you meet them for the first time.
 
I've gotten in a car with people I just met many different times, but I'm pretty adventurous. Hell, when I went backpacking my everyday life basically consisted of meeting random people, becoming friends with them in less than a minute and then going off with them to off-the-beaten-path locations. Was it dangerous? Sure, maybe. But not anymore dangerous than going backpacking alone in a foreign country in general--which IS dangerous. Someone attempted to kidnap me while I was on that trip, and interestingly enough, it wasn't a random friend I'd met, it was a moto-taxi driver. A person providing a paid service... You'd think you could trust them at least, but you can't.

Anyway, my point is that anyone could be psycho and pretty much everything comes with risks, but there isn't really a reason to fear people on the internet anymore than people in real life. The best thing we can do as women is know how to defend ourselves (physically) and how to use our minds and our voices to get ourselves out of bad situations.
 
You've been talking online for three months and he's already saying that he loves you? That is very fast. I would be suspicious if the man who tells you that he loves you is hesitant to give you his address. Are you sure he's single? Could it be possible that he's married or living with a partner and that is why he's hesitant to give you his address for fear that you might come and visit him? I'll be careful if I were you.
 
Thanks for the feedback everyone! I agree with you UmiNoor! That is just how I felt. I don't know how someone can say that they love you, but not trust you. I think he is just trying to stay safe and doesn't want to put his family in danger. He still lives with his parents and it's understandable that he wouldn't want to give it to me without us meeting. We have since discussed this and he hasn't met anyone from the web yet so he was taking precautions as well. I have met two guys from the web in the past and I was really guarded with my phone number so I know what it feels like on both ends. I'll report back in Jan after we meet.
 
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sillylucy said:
Thanks for the feedback everyone! I agree with you UmiNoor! That is just how I felt. I don't know how someone can say that they love you, but not trust you. I think he is just trying to stay safe and doesn't want to put his family in danger. He still lives with his parents and it's understandable that he wouldn't want to give it to me without us meeting. We have since discussed this and he hasn't met anyone from the web yet so he was taking precautions as well. I have met two guys from the web in the past and I was really guarded with my phone number so I know what it feels like on both ends. I'll report back in Jan after we meet.
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Seeing as I saw this kind of late... it's January. Are there any updates or have you two not met yet?
 
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